


Don’t leave me behind

by SpacePenguin11



Series: Sam and Rimmer [4]
Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Randomness, Sexual Abuse, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:33:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23768533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacePenguin11/pseuds/SpacePenguin11
Summary: A miscalculation on Rimmer’s part puts his and Sam’s relationship in jeopardy.Oh and Holly’s invented a time machine.
Relationships: Arnold Rimmer/Samantha Simpson(OFC)
Series: Sam and Rimmer [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1275914
Comments: 39
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will eventually be explicit.

“Psst!” said Lister to Sam, motioning her to come and join him and Cat, who were crouched down in the corridor just outside the bunk room.

The two of them were laughing their heads off.

“What’s going on?” she said as she approached them.

“We’ve put Rimmer’s light-bee in me laundry basket!” said Lister sniggering.  
“At the bottom, underneath all my dirty socks!”

“Dave you’re not supposed to move him around like that!” she scolded him.  
“He finds it degrading! It makes him feel like an object!”

“Well, he pretty much is an object!” replied Cat.

“Where did you nick him from?” 

“Holo-suite,” said Lister.

“Dave! You know you’re not allowed in there! He’s gonna go mental!”

“I know! It’s gonna be cool!” said Cat, grinning widely.

“Well I must say,” she replied, adopting a very serious facial expression.  
“I’m a little disappointed in the two of you. Moving him around while he’s completely defenceless. What would have happened if you’d dropped him and trodden on him?”

“Life woulda got a whole lot better!”

“Pipe down Cat,” said Lister.  
“Look Sam, it’s just a little prank, no ones gonna get hurt.”

She was on the verge of walking away, but her cheeky and somewhat rebellious nature got the better of her.

“Make room for me,” she said, as she squeezed in between them.  
“How long til he comes out?” 

“Well he was in the middle of installing updates, so pretty soon his software’s gonna wonder why they’ve stopped installing. We’ve been here about ten minutes, so about another five minutes I reckon.”

After only two minutes had passed, the lights began to flicker softly, a tell tale sign that the hologram was emerging.

“Oh my god you guys!” said a giggling Sam, who was now well and truly into the prank.  
“This is so bad!”

“Shhhh,” Lister hushed her,  
”Listen!”

They listened eagerly. There was a minutes pause and then,

“LISTER!!!!!”

Then there was the sound of plastic snapping.

“Alright he’s comin! Time to go guys!” said Lister, as he and Cat legged it down the corridor.

But Sam wasn’t quite as quick off the mark.

“Hey, wait for me!”

Her delayed start though, coupled with her little legs, didn’t get her very far.  
She was just rounding the corner when she was grabbed round the waist.

She squealed loudly, and a voice by her ear said,

“So you’re in on this game as well now, are you?”

“No I am so totally not!” she said, trying hard not to laugh, but failing miserably.  
“I was telling them all not to do it! I told them it was a really mean thing to do!”

“Now, why don’t I believe you?” he said, and she could tell he was smirking by the tone of his voice.

“Well, you should! Because its true!”

This sentence was followed by more hysterical laughter.

“Hmmm, the biggest question is, what am I to do with you Miss Simpson?”

At that point, Samantha Simpson knew exactly what was coming to her.

“You two suck!” she shouted, as she found Lister and Cat in the bunkroom a little after midday.

“Why?!” asked the scouser.

“Cos you left me behind!”

“Did he catch up with you?” 

“Yes he did.”

“What was your punishment??”

“I got tickled to death.”

“Well that doesn’t sound so bad,” replied Lister.  
“It’s a lot better than what me and Cat would have got!”

“Not so bad, Dave? I almost peed myself!  
As you must know, it’s considered very unladylike to urinate in a corridor.”

“Gotta be quicker next time Sam!” replied Lister, beaming.

She glared at him for a moment or two, but there was no malice behind the stare, and her facial expression quickly transformed into a smile as she down at the table with him.

“Hungry?” she asked, as she noticed him tightly clutching his knife and fork.

“Smeggin starvin! I’ve been waiting on my lunch for ages! Cat, go and see what’s takin Kryten so long, will ya?”

“Do it your damn self!” Cat replied from Rimmer’s old bunk.

“Ahhh yeah, that might have something to do with me,” she said grinning at the Liverpudlian.

“What do you mean?” 

“Kryten’s making MY lunch.”

“What? But I’m dyin of hunger here!”

“Gotta be quicker next time, Dave,” she said winking at him.

“If I die of starvation Sam Simpson,” he said, pointing his fork at her,  
“My ghost is comin for you.”

“Die of starvation Listy? I shouldn’t think so. You’re more likely to die of a heart attack, the amount of food you put away,’ said Rimmer, as he strode into the room.

“Did you enjoy our little game then?” the scouser asked, teasingly.

“Not as much as you’re going to enjoy yours, Listy.”

“What does that mean??”

“You’ll have to wait and see now, won’t you miladdo??  
Hello you,” he said, addressing Sam as he sat at the table and plonked her down on his lap.

“Hello yourself,” she replied sweetly.

“You know there is another spare chair at this table, Rimmer?”

“Yeah but this one’s warmer,” said Sam, kissing the hologram deeply on the lips, to which he responded with great enthusiasm.

“For smeg’s sake, give it a rest you two! I’ve got my lunch comin in a bit!  
I am seriously considerin putting a sign up in here sayin ‘No Snoggin.’  
Anyway, how’s the corridor thirteen situation?”

“Not great,” said Rimmer,  
“We’ve lost three skutters down the hole now.”

Sam turned to face Rimmer sharply.

“Not Bob!”

“Bob is fine, I ordered him to paint the walls in corridor twenty eight to keep him out of the way.”

“You sure it was Bob? Cos I know sometimes you guys can’t tell the difference?”

“You’ve painted a yellow stripe on his head, Sam.”

“Just wanted to make sure Arnold,” she replied.  
“So what’s the issue with corridor thirteen?”

“Hogey trashed it last night by driving a bulldozer up and down the corridor,” said Lister.

Sam’s face wrinkled up.

“What the hell is a Hogey?”

“He’s a rogue simulant,” said Rimmer.

“He’s perfectly harmless,” he said, noting the sudden tension in her body.  
“He’s just a pain in the backside.”

“A giant pain in the backside, Rimmer” Lister corrected him.

“But where would he have got a bulldozer from? And how would it even fit in the corridors??”

“That’s a mystery to us all,” replied Lister.  
“Anyway, his drivin up and down weakened a patch in the floor...”

“Which was in need of repair years ago,” interrupted Rimmer.

“Yeah,” Lister agreed,  
“So anyway, he went through the floor and took out the other two floors below him.”

“Was he alright??”

“Unfortunately, yes,” said Rimmer.

“Well, where is he now?”

“Rimmer gave him a clip round the ear, and he went downstairs to sulk in the garbage hold.”

“Wow...we’re never short for entertainment on here are we?” she said.

“No, we are not,” said Rimmer squeezing her a little tighter round her middle and causing a sudden giggle to erupt from her.

“Guys, please!”

“Oh come on Dave, we’d be perfectly alright watching you having a kiss and a cuddle with a woman.”

“Ur, speak for yourself,” said Rimmer.

“Believe me Sam, that’s never gonna happen,” said Lister, a sadness in his voice that Sam didn’t think she had ever heard before.

“Yeah right! I bet you’ve had your fair share of girls over the years! I bet you had a favourite too! One that you’d wanna be smooching on right this minute if you had the chance!”

Lister’s facial expression seemed to change very suddenly. Sam watched sadness give way to deep despair.

Rimmer knew this look well.

“Leave it, Sam,” he said gently.

“I was only joking around,” she said weakly, turning to face the hologram.

“Just...leave it.”

She was about to protest when Kryten came plodding in with her lunch and set it down on the table.

She saw the scouser look longingly at it, and it dawned on her that maybe there was a reason behind his overindulgence when it came to food.

‘He’s been hurt by a woman,’ she thought,  
‘In some way shape or form.  
I reckon he’s a comfort eater.’

“You know what, Dave?” she said, pushing the turkey club sandwich over towards him.  
“You have it.”

“You sure??”  
Lister’s face lit up a little.

“It will stop you feeling sad,” she said kindly.

“It’s not like you to skip a meal,” said a concerned Rimmer.

“Can you make mine in about half an hour, Kryten?”

“If that’s what you would like, Miss.”

“I wanna go and check on Bob,” she said, getting up from her holographic chair and giving Rimmer a quick kiss on the lips.

“Stay away from corridors...” began Rimmer.

“I know, I know.”

Lister watched her go.

”What is it with her and those skutters?”

“She seems to have a way with them, Lister, I don’t even understand it myself.  
That’s my little angel for you,” he said wistfully.

“I would hold up on the angel bit, Rimmer,” said the other man, tucking into his lunch.  
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the sandwich but-“

“Can you please stop talking with a mouth full of food in your gob. It’s like watching a cement mixer.”

“Sorry,” said Lister, rolling his eyes, and not sounding at all sorry.  
He did, however, swallow his food before he spoke again. 

“Your girlfriends a thief.”

“What??”

For answer, Lister picked an empty biscuit packet up off the floor.

“She’s eaten all me chocolate hob nobs!”

“Lister,” began Rimmer.

“And all me Jaffa cakes!” said the younger man, showing another empty packet to the hologram.  
“I only opened these yesterday!”

“Well if you will leave chocolate lying about...”

“They were inside a plastic storage box underneath your old bunk, Rimmer!” he said, pointing emphatically in said direction.

The hologram considered.

“I’d try a locked box next time.”

“She’s like a bloodhound,” said Lister, returning to his sandwich.

Rimmer watched him shovelling food in for a few more minutes before saying, 

“There’s something I’ve been considering lately,”

“Nostril reduction surgery?” said Lister, with a mouth full of food again.  
“I think that’s a thing for holograms now as well.”

Rimmer raised his eyes to the ceiling. 

“I’m worried about Sam, Lister. I’m worried that she’s not happy.

“Well she looks perfectly happy to me. She’s clearly enjoyin being a ‘Skutter whisperer’ and polishin off my biscuits.”

“No Lister, I mean REALLY happy.”

“I don’t get understand what you’re gettin at?” Lister asked, retrieving a beer from the fridge.

“I mean...with me?”

“Look Rimmer, you two not making progress in the sack has nothin to do with me.”

“I’m not talking about sex Lister!” replied the hologram, giving the other man a very nasty look.

“Pardon me for breathin!” huffed the other man, as he sat back down at the table and opened his beer.  
“Will you please tell me what it is that you DO mean?”

“I mean, am I good enough for her? Do you think she’d rather be with someone younger? Someone more into the things that young people are into? Someone who can talk the way young people talk?”

“What?”

“Lister, some of the words she comes out with sometimes, I haven’t got a clue what they mean!  
And we don’t really have any similar interests.”

“Is this because she couldn’t care a toss about cars or vintage wires? Or is it because she makes up any excuse she can to avoid goin down to the diesel decks with you?”

“Answer me this Lister.” said Rimmer, a fierce intensity in his eyes that compelled the scouser to give the man his full and undivided attention. 

“If some attractive young man caught her eye, how long would it be before her eyes began to wander, and I became to her nothing more than a washed up piece of technology? I sometimes wonder if she hasn’t started going off me already.”

“Rimmer man, we’ve been over this before! She chose you, remember? You didn’t force her into anything, she made her own decision to come back to the ship that day. She loves you.  
And fancies you as well for some unknown reason.”

“I know, I know. It’s just that sometimes I look in the mirror and wish I were thirty years younger.”

“You’re not the only one to feel like that,” Lister replied.

“I don’t need to be thirty years younger!” exclaimed Cat,  
“I’m just as irresistible as I was back then!”

Lister and Rimmer exchanged glances.

“Right,” said the hologram getting up from the table. 

“I’m going to finish installing those updates that I was trying to do before I was so rudely interrupted this morning,” 

“Righto miladdo!” said Lister mockingly, giving the hologram a half hearted salute.  
“Come on then Cat, let’s get some time in on Renegade Monks.”

“I’m right with you bud,” said the animal, settling himself down on the couch and picking up the controller.

Lister rubbed his hands with glee as he made his way over to the tv.  
The smile on his face quickly faded into nothingness though when he reached for his games console.

‘What the smeg...?”

His PlayStation had been very adeptly dismantled. All the inner components of the machine had been lined up in neat little rows.

‘Rimmer, was this you?” he cried angrily, turning to find the hologram grinning from the doorway.

“You know, there’s really not much difference between a PlayStation and a vending machine once you get right down to it.”

“I can’t believe you’ve done this, Rimmer!”

“Let’s call it karma, shall we Listy?”

“How the smegginhell are me and Cat gonna play Monks?”

“You’ll have to put it back together again won’t you?”

“Rimmer, this is really unfair!” 

“Oh and picking my light-bee up and moving it round the ship is?”

“What about Sam eh?? She loves playin on here with me and Cat!”

“Don’t you worry about Sam. She’s keeping herself busy with a hand held Nintendo that I found down in the cargo hold. She was in on the whole thing actually. She held the tools for me.”

“You are grade-a scum Rimmer,” said Lister slowly shaking his head from side to side.

“Have fun on your little project!  
Why don’t you call on your robotics knowledge?”

‘He’s right,’ thought Lister as the hologram left the bunk room.  
‘I’m damn good at my robotics, I can fix this easy.’

“Here Cat,” he said,  
“Get your backside over here and help me with this!”

“Hey! I’m a cat,” he said, pointing at himself.  
Cat’s don’t fix things!”

“They do if they ever wanna play Renegade Monks again. Now come over here and hold the screwdriver for me.”

“Hi gorgeous,” said Sam when she found Rimmer in the holo-suite.

“Have you been drinking?” he asked.

“Sod off and learn to take a bloody compliment every now and then. How come you’re doing updates in form? I thought you preferred to do them from your bee?”

“Normally I do because doing it that way preserves my charge, but I’d really like to get these updates installed before I end up in Lister’s laundry basket again.”

“Did he go nuts about the PlayStation?”

“He was seconds away from a major temper tantrum.”

“That’s cool,” she said, although she didn’t sound like her usual self.

“What’s the matter?” he said, watching her take a seat in the chair opposite to his.

“Arnold?” she said after a bit.

“Mmm?”

“Dave was acting strangely earlier when I was talking about him being with a woman. Did he have a bad relationship or something?”

“There was someone very special in Lister’s life, but things didn’t go the way he wanted them to. That’s all you need to know,” 

“Sorry,” she said sarcastically.  
“I didn’t realise it was such a big secret!”

“It’s not a big secret Sam it’s just...it’s not my place to tell you, I’m not sure Lister would want you to know about it.”

“Fine, whatever,” she said, pouting.

Why are you now in a mood?”

“Forget it,  
I’m gonna go and play with Bob.”

“Sam?”

She walked away from him.

“Sam, don’t do this please,” he said, a little impatiently.

She was at the doorway when she felt a very warm hand grasp her arm, and turned to find him right behind her.

“Can you let go of me please?”

“Not until you tell me what this is about.”

“There’s no point, Arnold!”

“Well you’re not leaving until you tell me.”

She growled in frustration.

“Fine! You and Dave! You both seem to love the cloak and dagger drama!”

“What?”

“I mean Arnold, every time I try to talk to you about stuff from your past, you clam up on me!”

“No I don’t!”

“Last night before I went to sleep, I asked you about your childhood, and you got all shitty with me! You never talk to me about your mother and father? Or your brothers?”

“That’s because there’s nothing to say.”

“See, there you go again! Shutters down, Sam locked out of the picture!”

He let go of her arm and drew himself up to his full height.

“Oh please don’t go into arsehole mode.”

“What did you say?” he said, his irritation building by the minute. 

“That’s exactly what you do before you do the whole ‘rank pulling’ thing.’”

“Sam...I am not pulling rank. I am just trying to get through to you...”

“Yes you are! You’re puffing your chest out and doing that thing with your chin!”

“Have you quite finished critiquing my mannerisms?!?”

She shrugged moodily at him.

“I’m just trying to get to the bottom of what has upset you, Sam.”

“You know what’s upset me!! You’re perfectly happy to poke your nose into all the crappy stuff of MY past aren’t you? The domestic abuse? The rape?”

“I was not poking my nose around, I was trying to help you!” he said, raising his voice.

“Then why am I not allowed to help you? How is it fair that you know everything about my past but I know jackshit about yours?!”

“I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO PUSH ME ON THIS, SAM!”

“Of course you won’t,” she said sadly.  
“Of course you wont.”

Rimmer tried to follow her out the door, but the cord connecting him to the mainframe ran out of flex. He briefly considered unplugging himself...but the update was a high priority one, and his software would be in serious trouble if he interrupted it.

And so all he could do was watch her walk away from him.

“No Cat!” Don’t put that bit there! It’s supposed to go over there!”

“That’s where you was pointing!”

“No it wasn’t!”

“Is everything alright in here?” asked Kryten as he entered the bunk room carrying an ironing board.

“No Kryten it’s not!” snapped Lister.  
“Rimmer broke my PlayStation and I can’t get the smeggin thing back together!”

“Well I did try to warn you that he wouldn’t be in a particularly good mood after materialising in your laundry basket.”

“Can you please just it fix it for me, Kryten?” whined Lister.

The mechanoid set the ironing board down.

“I’m on strict instructions not to, I’m afraid.”

“Come on Kryten, you hardly ever take orders from Rimmer anymore.”

“He threatened to take my best mop and insert it somewhere I don’t care to mention.”

“Well, you’ll just have to tell him that me and Cat fixed it, won’t ya?”

The mechanoid paused in thought for a moment.

“Well, I am more than a master at ‘lie mode’ now...”

He considered some more.

“Ok!” he said, making his way over to the machine.

“Would you like me to show you both how to fix it?”

“As if!” said Cat,  
“I’m gonna go take another nap! Wake me when something interesting happens.”

“What about you sir?”

“Can you just get on and do it please Kryten!?”

“Very well sir,” replied the mech, looking a little hurt.

“I’m sorry Krytes, it’s just that Rimmer was talking about me robotics studyin, and I feel like I’ve forgotten a ton of it!”

“But Mr Lister,” said Kryten as he worked,  
“You’re always tinkering with mechanical things, I see you all the time!”

“But that’s just it, Kryten! I’m tinkerin with them! I take em apart and then I’ve forgotten which screws go where or whatever.  
I used to be really clued up...I just feel like I’ve lost all my knowledge.”

“Well it’s never too late to start it up again!” said Kryten brightly.  
“You still have all your books, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” said Lister thoughtfully  
“Yeah I do! You reckon I can study up and be really smart again?”

“I always believe that you can do anything if your put your mind to it, sir,” replied Kryten, handing Lister the game controller.

“No gamin for me Krytes!” said the scouser enthusiastically.  
“I’ve got some studyin to do!”  
He set the controller down and launched himself off the couch to hunt for his books.

Kryten smiled.  
He knew this ‘studying’ would be nothing more than a passing phase, it always was with Mr Lister. Soon enough, he’d be back to the beer and the video games. Still, it always pleased the mech when he saw the man turn his head to something academic, even if it was only for a short period of time.

“Oh smeg off you! I’m not in the mood!” spat Rimmer as he met Cat in one of the corridors.

“What’s bitten you, goal-post head??”

“It’s none of your business,” said the hologram, pushing past him.

“Did you upset Sam again?”

Rimmer turned round.

“She upset me as well! It was a mutual upsetting!”

“Hmmm...” said Cat as he collected a bottle of milk from the vending machine he was currently standing by.

“You two seem to be fighting a lot lately...”

“I am not interested,” said Rimmer,  
“In having a conversation about my love life with you.”

“You wanna know what I think it is?” said the feline as he leant against the vending machine and opened up his bottle.

“No thank you,” said Rimmer,  
“I’d sooner take advice from one of the cantaloupes in the greenhouse.”

He turned to walk away.

“I think it’s cos you ain’t getting any action in the sack.’

RImmer turned round with a face like thunder.

“How dare your say something like that to me!”

“Believe me goal-post head, this is the last conversation I wanna be having! Do you think I wanna be thinking about you with no clothes on!? I’m saying this..cos you need some advice.”

“Do I now?”

“I’m just saying non-bud, it’s kinda like sexual tension. You know, when two people got a spark between them? The kind of....’I gotta tear your clothes off right away spark?”

“Ok fine, said Rimmer sarcastically.  
“What pearls of wisdom can you bestow upon me regarding the subject of copulation?”

Cat gave the hologram a vacant look.

Rimmer sighed, 

“Do you actually get stupider by the minute??  
I said, what interesting things can you tell me about sex??”

Cat’s face lit up as he got Rimmer’s meaning.

“Well, I know a little more than you might think about those kinds of things.  
Mainly cos it’s how women always respond to me. I create an incredible amount of sexual tension,” he said, pointing up and down his body.

“Not many women can resist that,” he said, taking a big gulp of milk.  
“They just gotta have me, you know?”

‘Yes...They never actually do though, do they?”

Cat paused momentarily, and the hologram could see he was racking what little brains he had for a response.

“That’s cos none of them was ever good enough for me!” he said eventually.  
“This Cat’s got standards,” he said, pointing up and down his body again.

“You really think you know what you’re talking about, don’t you?” said Rimmer, a smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

“Hey! I have loads of good ideas about things all the time! I just don’t say em!”

“A blessing for all,” said the man in blue, turning on his heel.

“That lady needs some lovin!” Cat shouted after him.

Rimmer rounded the corner, and began to pace up and down.  
How dare that moron pass comments on something that had nothing to do with him!?

Sam and him were fine, they were just fine...or at least they would be if everyone would stop trying to interfere. 

And nothing about what Cat had said was true...nothing.

Nothing.

Although...they had been fighting rather a lot lately, and the fights always seemed to follow the same pattern.

She’d get annoyed with him about something that he’d find trivial. He’d lose his temper [something he hated doing in front of her] she’d take umbrage and go off and sulk somewhere. He’d give her a cooling off period, then go and find her, and they’d apologise to each other and make up.  
Maybe there had been some truth to what the animal had said.

He didn’t know about her, but his sexual tension was well and truly off the scale.  
And he knew there would be no quick way to resolve that issue.

Holly’s face appeared on a nearby screen.

“Alright Arnold?”

“What do you want, Holly?!?”

“I’m asking everyone to assemble in the science room.”

“Why??” 

“I’ve got a little gadget I’ve been working on, I wanna show you all.”

“I can’t smegging wait,” grumbled the hologram.

Sam had got the same message, and was also on her way to the science room. She was fuming with Rimmer, and fearing greatly for their relationship. He obviously didn’t trust her enough with the troubles of his past, and relationships without trust broke down pretty damn quickly.  
What frustrated her the most was that she knew she would be able to help him come to terms with whatever had happened...if he’d just give her the chance to.  
That would never happen though, everything always had to be on his terms, and she was getting fed up with it. 

‘But Sam, being afraid to talk about a traumatic experience doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it just means that he’s bottled it up for too long.’

She pushed that thought out of her mind. For some reason she wanted to feel angry, wanted to pin all the blame on him.

It was satisfying.

And besides, he had no excuse whatsoever for yelling at her. He knew how much that upset her, and he’d gone and done it anyway.

As she turned the corner, she saw him down at the other end of the corridor.

“Unless you’ve come to say sorry, I’m not interested,” she said, turning and walking the other way.

“Sam! Please wait! I just want to...he tailed off and began to advance on her quickly, out of panic though rather than anger.

He’d just noticed the number on the wall.

13

“Sam wait!” 

“I don’t want to talk to you Arnold!”

Having to do updates in form had drained his battery significantly, and so he was currently only capable of a human run, rather than his customary super speed.

As he caught up with her, she turned her head round to give him some more abuse and so wasn’t looking where she was going. She took a step off the edge of the corridor, and was moments from death, when Rimmer grabbed her lower arm and pulled her to safety.

All at once though, she yelped like a dog, and so he let go of her arm like a shot.

Rimmer’s brain went on red alert.

‘I was too rough...I was too rough...”

He hadn’t been concentrating, smeg, he hadn’t even been thinking straight. He could see her falling to her death right in front of him, and the panic had caused him to forget his strength entirely.

He began speaking rapidly.  
“Oh my god, Sam....Oh my god...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” 

Cradling her arm protectively, she looked up at him, a mixture of shock and anguish reflected in her beautiful blue eyes.

“You said you’d never hurt me.”

“Sam please,” he said, his voice beginning to break, and holographic tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want you to fall. I wanted to keep you safe.”

Her mood had now changed from anguished to disconnected. Her eyes were wide and vacant, and her next sentence was delivered in a slow and slightly disjointed manner.

‘How can you expect me to ever feel safe with you again?”

With that, she walked straight past him, as if she were in a daze.

Rimmer didn’t just cry, he howled, leaning against the wall to stop his legs giving out on him.  
The hurt and pain becoming so intense he was convinced that his light-bee would explode

That look she’d given him, right after his misjudgment, was a look he knew exceptionally well.  
It was the one she always wore when she talked about Daniel or Steve.

‘I’m a monster,” he thought,  
“I’m a monster, and now she’ll never speak to me again. The other’s won’t ever speak to me again.  
I’ll be exiled...cut off from everyone.”

He wanted desperately to follow her, but she clearly needed space. Also, catching a glimpse of a bruise on her delicate arm was something he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle at this moment in time.

A bruise that he’d put there.

The mere thought of it was making him feel nauseous.

‘I’m sorry my little angel’, he said quietly to himself.

‘I’m so sorry’


	2. Chapter 2

‘He’s following me, he’s bound to be following me,’ thought Sam as she wandered through the corridors in a trance like state, holding her bad arm in her good one. Supporting it was making the pain seem a little more bearable.

‘But I don’t feel brave enough to turn around and check, because I’m absolutely petrified of him, all over again.’

There was a true reason for it this time though. This wasn’t the clumsy interpretation that it had been last time.  
He had laid his hand on her.

A part of her brain was trying to shake her up and make her listen to it, but it was to no avail.

The message it was trying to convey seemed to be slowly fading into the background.

‘He saved you Sam, he saved your life.’

But the physical and emotional pain currently occupying her body wasn’t having any of it.

The pain in her arm was excruciating, she didn’t think she’d ever been hurt so bad.  
The emotional pain was just as bad though, and she knew that the strongest painkillers in the universe wouldn’t get rid of that.  
It felt like she’d had her comfort blanket ripped out from beneath her. The man who was her protector, didn’t seem like such a protecter now.  
Her gentle giant was now more.

She could see Magnuson, Steve, and Daniel all swirling round in her mind, taunting her. She quickly shook those thoughts away, lest she see Rimmer joining in with them.

The feel of her lover’s hand on her arm had awoken bad memories.  
In the process of trying to decide where it would be best for her to go, she saw Kryten coming towards her.

“Why Miss Samantha! We’re all waiting for you and Mr Rimmer in the science room! ...Miss Samantha! What in silicone heaven happened to your arm?”

She didn’t respond. 

Kryten was concerned by the hollow look in her eyes, but what concerned him even more was the state of her arm.

“Can I see your arm?” he asked gently.

He could see that she wasn’t going to respond anytime soon and so he carefully moved her good arm out of the way to get a closer look at the injury.

“Oh!” Was all he could manage to say.

The bluish black bruise started at her wrist, and spread up almost to her elbow. He didn’t want to cause her discomfort by touching it, but he had strong suspicions that it was fractured.

She needed to be taken to the medibay, but he wanted to touch base with the others first. He’d never seen her like this before, and it was unsettling him greatly. He’d have to stop by the science room first.

“It’s ok Miss Samantha, I’m going to look after you. Where is Mr Rimmer? Can you tell me where Mr Rimmer is?”

As he expected, there was no response.

So he put his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the science room.

“Alright I’ve got another one,” said Holly.  
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

“To get to the other smeggin side of the road.” said Lister, in a highly disinterested voice.  
“Stop offloading your god-awful jokes on us, please!”

“Alright alright! I’m just trying to entertain you while we wait for the others.”

“You can entertain us by being quiet,’ snarled Cat.

“Well I think that’s a little bit uncalled for,” said the computer.  
“And I haven’t even told you the one about the horse with the long face yet,”

“Where are the others!” Lister hollered.  
“I can’t believe we’ve gone and lost Kryten as well now!”

“Well it was your idea to send him off looking for them, monkey!”

“Oh and there’s also the one about the....”

“I can’t take much more of this,” said Lister, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What the hell?” he heard Cat say slowly, and turned his face in the direction that the feline was looking.

“Oh smegginhell what’s happened!” he cried, as Kryten brought Sam into the room.

Both him and Cat rushed over to the other two.

“What happened to her bleedin arm?”

“I don’t know Mr Lister,” fussed Kryten,  
“She won’t talk to me! I think it’s fractured...I can only surmise that she must have fallen on it somehow.”

“Well where’s Rimmer?”

“I don’t know, Mr Lister!” said Kryten, beginning to get hysterical.

“You don’t suppose it was Hogey, do you? Getting a little rough while he was playing? And it wouldn’t be the first time either, would it?” said Lister, gesturing at Kryten’s head. 

“In truth I have actually no concept of how he managed to unscrew my head so adeptly.”

“I don’t think Hogey’s capable of this,” said Cat.

“Well what do you think happened then?” Lister asked him.

“I think goal-post head did it.”

“Are you crazy??” said Lister in total disbelief.  
“Rimmer would never hurt Sam!”

“They had a bad argument today, bet you didn’t know that?”

“I must say, Mr Lister, they have been arguing quite a lot lately.”

“Listen to the two of you! Arnold J Rimmer may be many things, but he would never hurt a woman!”

“Look closely at that bruise, and tell me it isn’t hand shaped?” said Cat.

“No it’s not,” said Lister in denial,  
“You’re seein things.”

“I hate to say it Mr Lister, but I can see what Mr Cat means.”

Lister faltered for a moment, the hand shape was as clear as day and he knew it.

“That could just as well be Hogey’s handprint?” he attempted feebly.

“You think those long finger marks were caused by Hogey?” snapped Cat.

Lister paused. The simulant had short, stubby fingers. Things weren’t looking good for his friend.

“Well he wouldn’t have meant to do it!”

“How can you not mean to break someone’s arm, bud?” said Cat angrily.

“I must say I’m very surprised at Mr Rimmer, I never expected him to do something like this,” said Kryten, adopting a rather serious facial expression

“He wouldn’t have done it on purpose, Kryten!”

“Dave?” 

A timid voice distracted them from their feud.

“Sam,” he said gently, trying to get her to focus on him.

“Dave?” she said, her bottom lip beginning to tremble.

“It’s ok Sam, it’s ok.”

To begin with, Lister really thought she was coming back to them. That somehow he’d managed to comfort her enough to bring her back to the real world.

Then the panic attack started.

She slid down the wall and began to tremble, her breathing becoming shallow.

“What the hell’s up with her?” asked Cat.

“She’s having a panic attack!” shouted Lister.

“Well, what do we do?” asked Kryten, who was now panic stricken himself

“I don’t know Kryten, Rimmer usually deals with them!”

The men eyed each other nervously.

“Oh come on!” said Lister, smacking his hand against his forehead in frustration.

He tried to remember the things that Rimmer did.

‘Oh why did I never pay attention!? Why did I never pay a smegging tention?’

Suddenly it came to him.

“Breathing! We’ve got to get her breathin normally again!”

He squatted down in front of the woman.

“Come on Sam, look at me, look at me. I need you to think about your breathing for me, ok? I need you to do some nice deep breaths for me.”

He began to breathe deeply, and motioned for Cat to do the same.  
Kryten did his best breathing imitation.

“I don’t suppose you’d like to hear a joke, would you Sam?”

“Switch that screen off, Kryten, he’s doing me nut in,” said Lister, who was pleased to note that Sam’s panic attack was beginning to subside.

But as bad as what Sam was currently experiencing, Lister knew that the emotional torment his best friend would no doubt be going through, wouldn’t be far off this in terms of intensity.  
A thought suddenly occurred to him.

“I’ve got to go and find Rimmer!”

“But you can’t leave, bud! She’s just calming down!”

“You two can handle it! Just keep doin the breathin thing,” he said, before legging it out of the science room.

‘Oh smeg please don’t let me be too late, please don’t let me be too late!’ he thought as he raced down the corridors.

“Step away from that switch right this minute, Arnold J Rimmer!” he managed to gasp as he reached the holo-suite.  
Ever since he had turned fifty, his body had come to like running less and less.

His friend didn’t reply, he was just stood in the corner of the room looking at his kill switch, almost as if he wanted to pull it but didn’t quite have the courage to go through with it.  
He was a dark and dismal shadow of his usual self,

‘Talk about fixing Sam,’ he thought,  
‘How are we gonna fix him.’

“Rimmer man....Come on.,” he wheezed.  
“Let’s talk about this.”

Rimmer turned to face him.

“You’ve seen Sam then?”

Lister nodded.

“I suppose Kryten and the cat are baying for my non-existent blood right now?”

The other man frowned.

“It doesn’t matter what they think, I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Do you have any idea how much I love that woman, Lister,” said the hologram, gazing at some faraway point in the distance.

“Yeah, I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

“All I wanted to do was keep her safe, Lister,” said the man in blue, looking hopelessly at him. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“Look Rimmer, we all act a little crazy when we get angry,” said Lister, sitting down at the table in the room.  
“Things like this happen all the time during arguments.”

“What did you say??” said Rimmer, very abruptly, instantly snapping out of his reverie and focusing all his attention on the man in front of him.

“Alright, alright, I’m just sayin that...”

“You think this happened during an argument?!”

“Well...Cat said you’d had a bit of a barny earlier on...”

“You all think I’m capable of that??”

“I didn’t think that” protested Lister.  
“I’m on your side here!”

“We weren’t arguing,” said Rimmer firmly.  
“I was trying to stop her from falling down that smegging hole that Hogey created!”  


Lister processed this information.

“So...you weren’t angry when you did it?”

“No Lister, I wasn’t angry, I was terrified. Did she not tell you this?”

“She’s not talking, Rimmer.”

The hologram nodded dismally.

“You should come and see her, she needs you. She’s just had a panic attack and us lot didn’t have a clue what to do.”

“Oh believe me Lister, I’m the last person she needs right now.”

“I disagree.”

“Her arm, Lister,” said the hologram after a bit, in a voice that suggested he knew he had to ask the question, but was really not looking forward to the answer.

“Is it bad?”

Lister grimaced, and tried to say as gently as he could.

“It’s not great Rimmer, it’s not great.”

Rimmer nodded resolutely, as if that had somehow sealed the deal on something that he had been thinking.

“So, are you gonna come and see her?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Why not?”

Rimmer looked him square in the face, and the shame in those remarkable hazel eyes really jerked at Lister’s heartstrings.

“Because I can’t face seeing what I’ve done to her,’ he choked, his voice heavy with emotional torment.  
“I can’t Lister...I just can’t.”

The others weren’t overly bothered for the hologram’s welfare, they were much more concerned about Sam, which was right enough.

But the man in front of him was no monster. He’d just been a bit distracted, suffered a lack of concentration. And that happened to everyone from time to time, but it was always worse for him, because of the power his software imbued him with.

Lister did something very out of character, he stepped forward and put his arms round the other man, saying.

“I don’t blame you, Rimmer, and I’m not judgin you either.  
Remember that,”

The man was a lot sturdier than Lister imagined he would be.

Almost like wood.

Rimmer didn’t hug him back, but that wasn’t important.  
He patted the hologram on the back just before he left to rejoin the others.

In the wake of Lister’s kindness, Rimmer screwed his eyes shut and prepared to fend off a second wave of tears.

“How’s she doin?” asked Lister as he rejoined the others.

“Well we’ve managed to calm her down sir, but she’s still not saying anything.”

“What’s up with goal-post head?” said Cat, not sounding like he particularly cared that much.

“What happened was a complete accident, he told me. He grabbed hold of her arm to pull her out of the hole in the floor in corridor thirteen.”

“So it was a genuine accident?” asked Kryten.

“Yes,” confirmed Lister.

“You sure he was tellin the truth?”

“Hey back off Cat! Rimmer would never lie to me about something as important as that.”

“But if he saved her life,” pondered Kryten.  
“Then why is she so traumatised?”

“I don’t know Krytes.”

“Well, I need to get this arm set before we do anything else. I’m taking her down to the medibay,” said the mech, leading Sam out of the room.

“So are you guys interested in seeing my little gadget yet?”

“Oh who fired him up!?” swore Lister.

“It’s just...I really am quite excited about it.”

“We know you are computer man! You’ve been bothering us about it for weeks!”

“Holly, now is really not a good time,” said Lister rolling his eyes in frustration.

He was about to lay into the computer some more when Rimmer suddenly walked into the room, stunning them into silence.  
What stunned them even more though was Cat launching himself across the room and punching the hologram straight in the eye.

Rimmer winced momentarily, but the black eye didn’t last for long. After about 15 seconds it faded into nothing.

“Cat!” Lister grabbed him and pulled him back.  
“What the hell is wrong with you??”

“It’s alright, Lister, I deserved it.”

“You deserve a whole lot more than that!” said the feline, struggling against Lister.  
“How could you hurt Sammy? She’s worth ten of you!”

“It was an accident,” said Rimmer, although he himself knew how pathetic that sounded.

“I always knew she was too good for you!” shouted Cat.

“Come on Cat, you need to calm down,” said Lister, dragging the animal back.

It was no surprise that he had reacted that way. Cat had been jealous of Rimmer, ever since the day he had first laid eyes on Sam. He knew full well that she had no interest in him, and they didn’t really interact much on a daily basis. But she had been there for him when he had needed her, and today he was going to be there for her.

“Where is she?” asked Rimmer timidly.

“Kryten’s taken her to the medi-bay to set her arm.”

‘You mean it’s fractured??” he asked in a crippled voice.

Lister nodded sadly.

“This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have come here. She needs to be away from me, she needs space.”

“It was an accident, Rimmer, she knows that. She just needs a chance to get over the shock.”

The hologram began to fidget about anxiously, a characteristic that none of the other crew members had ever witnessed before.

He looked up sharply when he heard Kryten return. 

The love of his life looked completely broken...and he knew that he was the reason for that. The cast that Kryten had so expertly applied was a salvation to him. It prevented him from seeing his monstrous handiwork.

“How is she, Kryten?” he asked eagerly.

“She’ll be alright Mr Rimmer,” said Kryten, settling Sam down into a chair.  
“The fracture should heal itself in about eight weeks or so, and I’ve given her some strong painkillers so she should be feeling a lot more comfortable.”

“Thanks Krytes,” said Lister.  
“You managed to get anythin out of her yet?”

“Not a thing.”

“See, she does need you Rimmer.”

“She don’t need alphabet head!” said Cat.  
“He’s the one who upset her in the first place!”

“Well have you got any better suggestions, Cat? Cos she clearly doesn’t want to speak to us.”  
Get your arse over here, Rimmer.”

The hologram slowly approached Sam and knelt down in front of her.

“Sam, can you hear me? It’s me, Arnold. Can you hear me darling?”

But she gave Rimmer the same response that she had given all the others.

Nothing.

Normally he would have touched her hand or her face. But he was too afraid to do that right now.

“Sam...please? I’m sorry...”

“She’s just not there, is she?” said Kryten.

“I tried to entertain her with one of my jokes Arnold, but that didn’t seem to work,” said the ship’s computer, who was completely ignored.

“Can you tell what’s going on with her, Rimmer?”

“She’s traumatised,” he said simply.  
“It’s connected to her past.”

“Connected to her...Oh smeg of course. You mean that black hologram thing from the factory??”

“Among other things,” replied Rimmer, giving Lister a look that suggested there was quite a bit more to it than that, but he wasn’t prepared to discuss it at the present moment.

Lister, surprisingly, picked up on this subtle nuance and nodded in comprehension.

“Are you suggesting Mr Rimmer, that your injuring her...

“Accidentally injuring her,” corrected Rimmer.

“Accidentally, of course,” said the mech.  
“Has triggered all the events of the factory to come flooding back to her?”

Rimmer nodded.

“I should have realised,” said Kryten.  
“We all should have realised. It was staring us in the face the whole time.  
So what are we going to do with her, sir?”

“I don’t know Kryten. I really don’t know.”

And he didn’t. She just wouldn’t engage with him, and that wasn’t like her. It didn’t matter what mood she was in, he always managed to get through to her, to help her...to fix her.

The thing she’d said to him right after the accident.

‘How can you expect me to ever feel safe with you again?’

It haunted him. And he would probably end up being haunted by it for the rest of his death.  
There’s no way she’d ever forgive him.  
Their relationship was dead and buried, and that was no one else’s fault but his.

He still wanted to keep her safe though, and he would do just that, whether she wanted him to or not. It wouldn’t matter how many times she punched him, kicked him, or scratched him.  
He had a duty of care to her while she were on the ship, and even the recent events didn’t cancel that out in his opinion.  
Once she was back on Jupiter, he supposed that the responsibility would be deferred back to her parents.

‘Once her father hears of this he’ll be desperate to tear off my lovespuds and feed them to me.’

“Is anyone up for seeing my little gadget yet?”

“Holly please,” said Kryten.  
“Your timing isn’t great.”

“I thought it might be a nice little distraction...It might cheer Sam up!”

Rimmer turned to face the computer with a sneer on his face.

“Do you seriously think that messing about with one of your pathetic inventions will fix my girlfriend!?”

“Might do. I’ve been working very hard to calibrate...”

“Shut up Holly!” said Rimmer, so sharply that it nearly caused the computer’s face to jump off the screen.

“Maybe you should take Sam to bed, Rimmer?” suggested Lister.

“She ain’t gonna wanna go to bed with him right now! Not after what he’s done!”

“I mean, put her to bed, Cat!”

“I don't think she’ll cope if she comes round and I’m her only company,” said Rimmer soberly.

“Perhaps it might be better to take her to the bunk room?” suggested Kryten.

“Alright, level with me here,” said Holly.  
“Five minutes, that’s all I ask? Five minutes, and then you can all get back to what you’re doing”

“Holly,” said Lister rubbing his temples.

“I’ve been working on it for weeks you see.”

“Yeah we know!” said Cat angrily.  


“I think you’ll really like it,” pushed the computer.

“Alright Holly!” Lister said eventually.  
But five minutes and no more!”

“Five minutes,” affirmed the computer.

“Have you gone mad, Lister?” said Rimmer.

The scouser pulled him, Kryten and Cat over to the corner of the room.

“Look guys, let’s just humour him. We all know he’s got the IQ of a turnip. How’s he possibly gonna have invented anything spectacular?”

“Are you actually seriously considering this, sir?”

“You lot talking about me over there?” said Holly.

“Kryten, I am sick to the back teeth of him pesterin us! Let’s just get this bloody thing over and done with, so we can get back to sortin out this Sam and Rimmer mess.”

Lister noticed the hurt look on Rimmer’s face. There was no other way of putting it though. It was a gigantic mess.

Kryten and Cat nodded their assent, as did Rimmer, highly reluctantly.

“Alright Holly,” said Lister, as they made their way back over to the computer.  
‘Let’s do this.”

“Brill, make sure Sam joins in too.”

Cat rolled his eyes and helped the distressed woman to her feet.

Rimmer instantly went to help her, but was stopped short by the glare in the feline’s eyes.  
A protective glare.

‘That used to be my job,’ he thought dejectedly.

“Alright...Hold on to your hats everyone...”

“Yeah come on Hol, we haven’t got all day.”

The ships computer couldn’t have looked prouder.

“I have invented...a time machine.”

Everyone in the room except for Sam and Rimmer moaned.

“And it really works!”

“Yeah Holly, sure it does.’ said Lister sarcastically.

Kryten piped up.

“Holly, have you actually put this time machine to the test?”

“Of course I have! What do you think I am?  
I sent one of the skutters back to earth’s medieval era.”

This clearly wasn’t enough to satisfy Kryten.

“But how could you tell for sure that it had worked?”

“The skutter came back in period clothing.”

“Forgive me saying this Holly, but I’m still not overly sure about...”

“Enough of this twattin about!” said Lister.  
“Just tell us what we gotta do!”

“Ok,” said Holly eagerly.

“Kryten and Cat, as you’re the closest, will you please come over to the console nearest me.

Exchanging glances with each other, the two crew members approached Holly.

“You see that controller there, Kryten?”

The mech picked up a rather rudimentary looking control device and eyed it suspiciously.

‘He doesn’t think this has a chance in hell of working either,’ thought Lister to himself.

“Do I gotta take this other controller then?”

“That’s right, Cat.”

“This is some weird kind of voodoo ritual if you ask me,” said the feline as he took the controller.

“Now you’ve gotta arrange yourselves into a circle, keeping Kryten and Cat stood by the console.  
“Yep, thats it!”

“Now I need you to take each other’s hand’s  
“So that means Kryten take Rimmer’s hand, Rimmer take Lister’s hand...

“Yeah I think we’ve got that bit Hol,” said the scouser impatiently.

Sam’s hold on Lister’s hand was weak enough, but Rimmer’s was completely powerless. It was a true dead fish grip, miles away from his usual steely handshakes.

“Now, Cat and Kryten are connected to the console here, but the electrical signal should pass round the circle.  
Turn your consoles on please!”

The two crew members obediently pushed their buttons, and all of a sudden an energy seemed to pass through them all, and a strange blue diamond-like shape began to glow in the centre of them. Lister felt Sam jump, and her hand begin to shake.

“It’s ok,” he said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

She very briefly made eye contact with him, before fixing her gaze back to the floor.

“Now, where would you like to go?”

“Wherever Holly,” said Lister, unenthusiastically.

“Alright, I’ll pick a date at random. Ready? Here we go!”

There was a bright flash and an intense tingly feeling that Lister could feel all the way down to his toes. This was followed by an ear piercing screech that forced him to screw his eyes shut. 

An icy gale swept over his body, almost as if he were travelling at light speed in nothing more than a parachute.

And then there was nothing.

Lister slowly opened his eyes.

There was a very young humanoid feline right in front of him.  
The animal was grinning so widely, virtually all his teeth were on show.

“We’re young again!” he shrieked. 

“Oh smeggin hell,” said Lister as he felt his face. “My face is all smooth! Oh my god, we really are! We really are! We’re young again!!!” he said, repeating Cat’s exclamation, and the two of them began to dance round in circles.

“What about me, sirs??” Kryten beamed.

There was an awkward pause.

“Umm well...The thing is Krytes, you don’t really look all that different?”

Krytens face fell.

“Your heads a slightly different shape though,” said Cat.

Kryten pulled a face that suggested he didn’t know if he was happy about that or not.

“Bravo Holly!” shouted Lister.  
“You’re smeggin time machine actually works!”

“It sure does!” said Cat, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Aww, you lot are too kind.”

“Wow! I don’t know what to try out first! Maybe me guitar playin, or..”  


“Hold on a sec!” said Cat interrupting him.

“Sammy was right here!” he said, pointing to the empty space next to him.  
“Where did she go?”

“That is precisely what I should like to know,” said a man in a quilted blue jacket, a mop of striking curly hair on his head.

The four crew members turned their faces to the ship’s computer.  
“Ummm...Oops,” said Holly


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M for bad language and references to sexual abuse.

“Oops?! replied Rimmer, in a burning rage.  
“Your only answer to that is oops???”

“Well...I...I’m not sure...” began the computer.

“I don’t believe this,” said the hologram running his hands through his hair, and causing it to stick up.

“Wow,” said Lister.  
“It’s a long time since I’ve seen your hair do that Rimmer.”

“Holly, if you do not give me an answer in the next thirty seconds!”

“Alright Arnold! Alright! Just give me a minute, I’m gonna go and find out what’s happened.”

“You’d better!”

“Wow,” said Lister, walking round the room.  
“The science room looks so different.”

“Of course it does, Mr Lister!” said Kryten irritably.  
“I’ve spent years performing upgrades in this room!”

“Alright Krytes! Don’t bite me head off!”

Kryten wore an intense frown, which disturbed Lister a little.

His mood suddenly appeared to have turned sour for some reason.

‘He was fine a moment ago,’ thought the scouser.  
‘I suppose he’s just irritated with Holly.

“Ahhhh that feels so good,” he said, as he stretched his back out. I hadn’t realised how out of shape I’d gotten over the years!  
How about you, Cat?”

Glancing across at the animal, Lister expected to see his fellow crew member admiring his reflection in one of the highly polished stainless steel consoles. But Cat was just stood over by the wall, a look of great concentration on his face. An expression that was very rarely seen on his face.

“Hello!” Rimmer shouted at the three of them.  
“Is anyone actually bothered about what’s going on here?!”  
MY GIRLFRIEND HAS DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR” he ranted, gesticulating boldly with his hands.

“Don’t panic Rimmer, Holly will sort it! He’s probably just got a calculation wrong or somethin.”

“What do you care anyway?” said Cat bitterly.  
“You desperate to break her other arm as well??”

“I’m going to kill you,” said Rimmer, storming in the felines direction.

“Mr Rimmer,” said Kryten stepping in front of him,  
“Don’t you even think about starting a fight with Mr Cat!”

The hologram instantly shrunk back at the ferocity in the mechanoid’s voice, and he quickly returned to his corner.

Lister could have sworn he saw Kryten’s hand curl up into a fist as he had made his way over to Rimmer.

‘Kryten...threatenin Rimmer...?’ he thought.  
‘Somethins really not right here.’

“It’s alright,” said Holly, breaking the tension in the room.  
“I’ve fixed it!”

“Brilliant!” said Rimmer, smiling broadly.  
‘Where is she then?”

“Well, she’s definitely not dead,” confirmed the computer.

“Riiiiight,” said Lister.

“Well where is she, Holly?” said the hologram through gritted teeth.

“Well,” holly fumbled a little.  
“As you may have noticed, your ages have gone back in time as well as your environment.”

“Yeah, that’s a point,” said Lister.  
“Why didn’t we come back the ages that we were?”

“I need to look into that...it shouldn’t take me long to fix it.”

“Holly!” said Rimmer impatiently.  
“Where is Sam??”

“Oh god, can’t you bleedin work it out Arnold! How many years are there between you and her!?”

“Thirty-one.”

“And how old are you lot in his timeline?”

“I don’t know!” said Rimmer impatiently.  
‘Early thirties I suppose, but I don’t see what...oh my god...” his face paled.

“I might be bein a bit slow here, but I don’t understand,” said Lister.

Holly took a deep breath.

“Sam’s not come back with us, because she hasn’t been born yet!”

“Smegginhell,” was all Lister could think of to say.

The scouser was lounging on his top bunk when Rimmer came in and sat down on the bottom one.

“Any luck yet?”

“No Lister! He’s now telling us he’s forgotten how to reverse the process, so until he figures that out, we’re stuck here!  
This is your fault!” he said angrily.

“How is it my fault?”

“Oh, let’s just humour him, he’s got the brain of a turnip, his inventions never work.”  
said Rimmer, reproducing Lister’s accent perfectly.

“Well I didn’t know did I?!”

“Oh god Lister,” said the hologram in exasperation, lying down on his bunk.  
“I need to know she’s alright, I need to say sorry...I don’t even know where she is!”

“Well, at least you know she’s alive.”

“Do I? Can we really trust anything that idiot computer says?”

“You heard what Kryten said, man, she’ll be back in our original time.”

“All on her own Lister!! In one of the most vulnerable positions she’s ever been in! 

“I’ve gotta say,” said Lister, lifting the bottom of his shirt up. I can’t remember the last time I saw my belly lookin so flat. I’m gonna ask Holly if he can keep me like this when we go back.”

“Well I’m glad that everything’s flowers and sunshine for you, Listy!”

“Well, you must feel better as well, now that you’re younger?”

“No, I feel exactly the same, only with a completely uncontrollable hairstyle.”  
He ran his fingers through his curls again.

“I want to go back to our own time, and find the love of my life. That’s all I care about right now.

“At least you’re hard-light?” suggested Lister.

“How is that a good thing? It’s this smegging body that caused this whole bugger up in the first place!”

“How many times Rimmer, it was an accident!” said the other man, hopping down from his bunk and opening his cupboard.

“I’m not a normal man Lister, I can’t afford to have ‘accidents.’  
Do not even think about picking up that guitar!”

“I thought a bit of music might make you feel better.”

“Music Lister yes, not the sound of a giraffe with irritable bowel syndrome.”

Lister shut the cupboard door and jumped back up onto his bunk.

“I accidentally hurt a girl once,” he said, conversationally.

“You did?”

“Yeah, she was chokin on a piece of steak, and I did the Heimlich manoeuvre on her, broke two of her ribs.”

“How was she about it afterwards?”

“Well initially she punched me in the face, you know, cos I’d broken two of her ribs, but after a couple of days she was really grateful.”

“Hmmm,” said Rimmer, in a tone that suggested that what he had done to Sam was a million times worse.

“You can’t help the way you’re made Rimmer, it’s not as if you chose to be that way. And you control it way better than you used to. Remember that first week after you got your hard-light drive? You broke my nose reaching for the tv remote!”

“I remember,’ sad Rimmer.

“And then there was the time you accidentally shattered one of Kryten’s vases when you picked it up to try and move it.”

“How can I forget that? He was threatening to force me into soft-light.”

“Oh yeah, he was!”

“Hold on a second Lister,” he said, sitting up and examining himself.”

“I’ve still got my hard-light belt.”

“And?”

“The drive didn’t take straight away, and I had to put this belt on to be able to do anything ‘solid,’ don’t you remember?”

“I remember. What’s the relevance though?”

“If I’ve truly reverted to hard-light belt Rimmer, then why am I not destroying everything I touch?”

Lister frowned,

“Dunno...What happens if you try and break something? Try punching a hole in that wall?”

Rimmer did so, and then recoiled in agony, clutching his injured hand.

“That’s weird” said Lister. Where there would normally now be a massive dent in the wall, there was nothing. Not even a scratch. 

Rimmer used his uninjured hand to try and shatter the mug on the table, but no matter how hard he squeezed, nothing happened.

“Lister!” said the hologram, eyes wide with fear.

“Oh Holl,” said Lister pinching the bridge of his nose.  
“What the smeg have you done?”

Sam slowly came to.  
She appeared to be curled up in a ball against the wall, almost as if some force had flung her against it.

The memory slowly came back to her.  
The memory of them all holding hands, the blue diamond shape, the icy feeling.

‘What happened after that? Why were they all holding hands in the first place?’

“Fuck!” she cried out as she accidentally used her injured arm to try and sit up.

Glancing down and noticing the cast, another other unpleasant memory came bubbling to the surface.

But her hologram wasn’t here, in fact, nobody was here.

“Holly?” she called out, grateful that the blast against the wall had brought her out of her trance.  
She glanced at the computer screen expecting a response, but there was nothing but black there.

“Dave? Kryten?”

“Cat?” 

And as a very last resort.

“Arnold?”

But the room was completely and utterly empty.

She wandered out and headed off to the bunk room, which also turned out to be empty.  
As was Kryten’s cupboard.  
And Cat’s quarters.

She timidly approached the holo-suite, but it was also empty. No hologram, and no light-bee.  
Their bedroom was also empty.

“Holly?” she called out loudly, a last attempt.  
Again, just a blank screen.

‘Where have they all gone?!’ she said aloud, sitting down on the bed. 

She suddenly began to feel really frightened.

‘Where are they? Where have they gone? What if they never come back?!  
What if I’m stuck on this ship for the rest of my life, all by myself?’

She winced as a sharp pain shot up her arm. 

Strangely enough, she had no memory of the pain. She remembered him grabbing her, and she remembered feeling something snap, but no pain. At least not then.

‘Jesus, how out of it was I?’

A cold feeling of loneliness stole over her, and as her mind began to become clearer, she realised that she was no longer afraid of her hologram.  
In fact, she wanted him more than ever right now.  
She needed him to come along and kiss her better, just like he always did. She yearned to feel his heat, yearned to wrap her arms around the solid contours of his body.  
Maybe it was the thought of losing him that had forced her mind to come to that conclusion. She didn’t know.

‘Maybe it’s because I love him more than anything else in the whole universe.’

‘He saved me! He fucking saved me, and all I did was shut him out.  
I said something really nasty to him, I know I did...I wish I could remember what it was.  
He would never intentionally hurt me, I know that more than anything.

I really wish he was here, I need to say sorry...I need to know he’s ok.’

She suddenly heard movement outside.

“Arnold!?” she called out hopefully.  
But it was only Bob who came scooting into the room.

She patted his head as she lay down on the bed, and imagined the strong arms of her gentle giant wrapped comfortingly around her.

“How are things coming along Holly?” asked Kryten, plodding into the science room.

“Not great Kryten, I have to admit. I thought I’d planned it out to the letter. I really don’t understand what’s gone wrong.”

“With respect Holly, perhaps it would have been wise to have taken Miss Samantha’s age into account before picking a point in history?!”

Holly looked glum.

“I’m trying to patch into the cameras back on the home dwarf, see if I can see her.  
“I’ve really messed up haven’t I?”

Kryten was rapidly losing his patience.

“Look Holly, let’s just focus on trying to get us back to our original timeline, shall we?”

“I don’t know how, Kryten! It should just be a case of reversing the process, but something keeps going wrong!”

Kryten rolled his eyes. The ship’s moronic computer had put them in a right mess, and it looked like it would be down to him to fix it. He could feel his anger circuits beginning to go into overdrive.

Lister knocked on the door to Cat’s quarters.

“Come in.”

The feline was straightening himself up in the mirror, which was perfectly normal for him. What wasn’t normal though, was the singing.  
It was a romantic song that Lister had never heard before.

Glancing around the animals quarters, he noticed that everything suddenly looked remarkably different, almost as if he was preparing it for something...or someone.

“What’s goin on man?”

“Hello Dave, which tie do you think? The red one or the purple one?”

‘Dave? Dave? Did he actually just call me Dave?’

“Umm the red one I guess.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking too.”

“Cat, who’s this for?”

“It’s for Samantha,” he said, matter of factly

‘Samantha?’ he thought.

“You’ve done all this for Sam?”

“Well she’s gonna need somewhere to sleep, now that she hates goal-post head.”

“You do realise that this is all gonna reset when we get back to our original time, don’t you?’ said Lister, gesturing at the room.

Cat looked momentarily displeased.

“It’s a practice run...It’s inspiration!” he said.

Inspiration indeed. Lister could see the red rose petals on the bed, and the glasses of wine on the bedside table.

“You know she’s not supposed to drink, don’t you?”

“That’s just alphabet head bein all controllin! I’m gonna let Samantha do exactly what she wants, when she wants!”

Lister groaned inwardly. As if they didn’t have enough going on regarding ‘Sam’ at this point in time. He knew full well that she and the cat had become close, and the animal seemed to feel that he could confide in the young blonde, in a way that he couldn’t with the others. The couples latest bust up had caused the feline to jump straight into the holograms grave, no puns intended.

Lister knew full well though that Sam loved the H off the hologram, and that even something like this wouldn’t change her feelings, once she got over the trauma of the situation.

But despite his obvious affectionate regard for the woman...something about his feline friend didn’t feel quite right.

“Can you read this through for me, bud?” said Cat interrupting his thoughts.

“What’s this?” asked the scouser, taking the small notebook.

“It’s some poetry I’ve been writin.”

“You’re havin a joke right??” Lister was struggling to hide his grin.

“What’s funny?” asked Cat, deadly serious, his facial expression so severe that it wiped the smile from the other man’s face instantly.  
It was the kind of expression he was used to getting from Rimmer.

“Okaaay,” he said, and opened the book, expecting to find some trash regarding dogs and big red balls.

But the scribblings on the pages astounded him.  
The verses were beautiful. Perfectly eloquent descriptions of Sam’s physical attributes.

“Do you think it’s ok?”

“Ok?? Cat this is smeggin brilliant! I didn’t know you could write poetry?”

“Neither did I!”

“How do you mean?”

“Ever since I got here, my feelings for Sam got so much stronger, and I just had these words in me that needed to burst out! Know what I mean? I’ve already written three novels!”

Lister nodded weakly.  
Cat was obviously being affected by the same weirdness that Kryten and Rimmer had fallen victim to.

“I’m off to find an easel,’ said the animal, marching past him.  
“I’m feelin the urge to paint!”

“Right you are man,” said Lister softly, as he watched the man walk away.

Kryten we’ve got a bit of a problem,” said the scouser as he entered the science room.

“What would that be, sir?” asked Kryten, drawing his attention away from the computer terminal he was currently working at.

“Well actually...we’ve got two.”

“Is it to do with me, Dave?”

“Listen Hol, could you give me and Kryte’s some privacy for a minute?”

“Fair enough,” said the computer,  
“I’ve got to go and adjust some figuresy, codey things anyway.”

The computer’s face disappeared from view.

“What is it, sir?”

“Cat’s got this idea in his head that he’s got a chance with Sam.”

“Well that’s nothing new, Mr Lister! He’s been drooling over Miss Samantha ever since she set foot on the ship!”

“No, I’m serious Kryten, he’s writin poetry and scatterin rose petals everywhere!”

“That doesn’t sound like Mr Cat,” said Kryten suspiciously.

“No, it doesn’t. And we’ve got a problem with Rimmer as well. He’s lost his strength Kryten, all of it!”

“But that’s impossible!” 

“He won’t come out of the bunk room now, he’s huddled up in the corner petrified. He told me he feels like a snail that’s had it’s shell ripped off.”

Kryten screwed his eyes tightly shut, and Lister could see the stress was getting to him.

Eventually he shouted, in a somewhat hysterical voice.

“I can’t fix everything at once, Mr Lister!!”

Lister backtracked.

“I wasn’t expectin you to, man! It’s just...you’re always the best person to talk to when things go wrong.”

“Forgive me, Mr Lister, but my first priority has to be getting back to our original time, and checking on the status of Miss Samantha! Do you think you could possibly deal with Mr Cat and Mr Rimmer by yourself??”

“Alright Kryten, don’t short circuit your head, I’ll deal with it!”

“Thank you, sir,” said Kryten curtly, turning his attention back to the computer terminal.

Rimmer was still huddled up in the corner when Lister returned.

He lifted his head sharply when he heard the scouser enter.

“What’s going on??? Can he fix me???”

“I don’t think that’s gonna be an option right now,” said Lister sagely.

“Why??!”

“Erm...because Kyten’s on the verge of goin bananas.”

“Urgh,” said Rimmer, putting his head in his hands.

“I’m serious Rimmer, I’ve never seen him this pent up before.”

“It’s probably just his sanity chip going haywire again.”

“Not this time, he’s about as bad tempered as you. And Cat’s writing books and painting pictures.”

He didn’t dare mention the animal’s obsession with Sam.

“Oh this is a nightmare Lister, this is a nightmare,” said the hologram beginning to pace the room.  
“And please do not play that sodding guitar! I’ve told you a thousand times that...”

But Rimmer was forced to turn around at what he heard.

The scouser was performing a melodic and punchy guitar solo, incredibly well.

“Oh my god,” said the hologram turning to face him.

“You can play the guitar!!”

“I’ve always been able to play the guitar!”

“No Lister, believe me, you haven’t.’

Lister frowned.

“Holly!!!!!” shouted the hologram, a little hysterically.  
“Get your backside on this screen!”

“Alright Arnold, there’s no need to shout,” said Holly, appearing.

“You need to sort this out, Holly! You need to sort it out right now!!”

“I’m trying my best here!”

“I’m sorry to say this Hol, but this is a bugger up on a large proportion,” said Lister.  
“Cat’s gone all romantic and creative, Rimmer’s been de-hulked, and Kryten’s rage circuits are about to explode!”

“And Lister can play the guitar,” added Rimmer.

“Rimmer, I could always play the...”

Holly suddenly interrupted the pair of them.

“I’ve got Sam!”

“What?! said the hologram and the human together.

“I’ve got visuals on her, I managed to tap into the camera system back in our original time.”

“Is she ok, Holly??”

“See for yourself.”

A video popped up on Holly’s screen, it showed Sam, huddled up on the bed, Bob was sat on the bed next to her.

“Well...she looks ok to me.”

“Ok, Lister? Ok? She’s huddled up on the bed! And she’s crying, I think,” he said, examining the screen closely.

“Look Holly,” said the hologram, firmly addressing the computer.  
“If you can’t figure out how to get us back yet, can you at least try and bring her here? So she won’t be alone!”

“I’ll try my best Arnold.”  
Holly disappeared.

“Calm down Rimmer.”

“Do not tell me to calm the smeg down, Lister! She’s all alone and she needs me! And I’m stuck in this stupid timeline, completely incapable of protecting her!” 

He tried to flip over the metal table that was bolted to the floor, and of course failed. This made him even angrier, so he gave it a good hard kick instead.

“Aargh, bollocks!” he shouted, before collapsing down on the bottom bunk and cradling his foot.

“Rimmer, I think you’re overreacting a little bit,” said Lister from his spot at the table.

“Oh so I’m overreacting am I?” said the hologram, hissing from the pain in his foot.  
“Tell me, what would you do, if it was Kochanksi trapped back there?”

He got no answer, which told him that his point had been well and truly received.

“At any rate,” he continued.  
“Sam’s not like ordinary women...she’s vulnerable.”

“What did you mean by that anyway?”

“Sorry?”

“Back in the science room, when I asked you about Sam’s traumas, you said  
‘Among other things,’ and then you gave me a look.

The hologram sighed, he wasn’t sure if telling Lister was a good idea or not, but it might help the man be a little more understanding of the situation.

He was also his best friend.

“If you repeat any of this Lister, once I’m fully functioning again, I shall break every bone in your body and fling you out of the nearest air lock.”

“Thats a bit brutal, Rimmer!”

“I’m serious, Lister!”

“Ok, ok, I won’t breathe a word.”

Rimmer summoned up all the courage that he could. He felt like what he imagined Sam must have felt, when she had first told him.

“She was raped, Lister.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh my god,” said Lister slowly,  
“Oh my god...By who?”

“A friend of her fathers, someone she’d known all her life.”

“What and he just took advantage of her? Just like that?”

“Yep.”

“But she’s so kind Rimmer, she’s so sweet...how could anyone possibly want to do that to her?”

“I don’t know, Lister,” replied Rimmer curtly.  
The same question has been going round and round in his head ever since Sam had told him.

“When?”

“Last Christmas.”

There was a long drawn out pause, during which the hologram heard a sniff and looked over to see his best friend shedding a tear or two.

“Did they catch the guy that did it?”

“She hasn’t told anyone else. And even if she had, you know Jupiter’s got a lousy justice system!”

Lister nodded, he remembered the comment Sam’s mother had made to them about the terrible standards of policing on the planet.

“I’ll find him,” said Rimmer.  
“He lives on Io, it won’t take me long. I just need to pick the right moment, I can’t have Sam suspecting anything.”

“Well what are you gonna do when you find him? You gonna play policeman??”

“No Lister, I’m going to kill him.”

The other man couldn’t think of a response to that.

‘My god I think he means that.’

“We’ve got to get her here somehow,” said the younger man, drying his eyes with the edge of his sleeve.

“That’s apparently proving to be far too much of a challenge for bog bot and the idiot computer.”

“And just who are you referring to as bog bot, Mr Rimmer?”

Rimmer instantly leapt off the bed, holding his hands above his head.

“That wasn’t me Kryten! That was Lister!”

“Rimmer!”

“Please don’t hurt me! I’m leaving, look, I’m leaving!”  
The hologram slid his way along the walls until he made it to the doorway, and then scampered out of the room.

“Keep him talking Lister!  
The voice tailed off down the corridor.

“Kryten please tell me you’ve made some headway!”

“Well if you would let me speak for a moment sir, I shall tell you!?” the mech yelled at him, causing the scouser to shrink back on his bunk.

“Holly says he thinks he has worked out how to bring Miss Samantha along to this timeline, while we figure out how to reverse this time travel catastrophe.”

“Aww brilliant,” said a relieved Lister.  
“When can you...?”

He was interrupted by the similar sensation he had felt before, everything felt very cold and numb.  
But when he opened his eyes, the bunk room was empty, save for him and Kryten.

“Oh, you stupid, moron brained, worthless piece of junk machinery!” shouted Kryten.  
“I knew I should have done it! I knew it! If you want anything done right around here, you have to do it yourself!!  
He shoved a fist up to Holly’s screen.

“Shut up!” said Lister quickly.  
“Look!”

A face had appeared from under Rimmer’s old bunk.

A little girl with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes was looking up at them inquisitively.

“Who are you?” she asked the two of them.

“Oh Hol, please tell me that’s not who I think it is...” said Lister, feeling his limbs begin to tremble


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Bad language, and references to sexual assault.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mr Lister! There’s no conceivable way that could possibly be Miss Samantha!”

“I’m hungry,” said the little girl, crawling out from her spot under the bed.  
“Have you got any chocolate?”

“Are you sure about that, Kryten?”

Kryten began to look flustered again.

His face seemed to contort for a moment or two, as his electronic mind tried to process the information.  
He turned to Holly.

“Holly! Why have you brought Miss Samantha back as a child?!!”

“Well...you see...the reason is...”

“That is it, Holly!” shouted Kryten, jumping up and down in his rage.  
“I am shutting you down!”

“You can’t do that!”  
Hollys face paled considerably.

“I certainly can!”

“Don’t be ridiculous Kryten! Who’s gonna navigate the ship?”

“The autopilot function works just fine, Mr Lister. It probably runs the ship better than he does anyway!”

“Kryten please!” wailed the computer.

But the mechanoid keyed a code into the console in front of him, and Holly’s face disappeared from view. This was accompanied by an electrical whooshing noise.

Lister stared open mouthed at the empty screen in front of him.

“I really hope you know what you’re doing Krytes. Do you really think you can fix his mess?”

“Rest assured that I shall do my very best, Mr Lister.”

“Well get it done quick, the last thing we want is for her to bump into Rimmer, or Cat for that matter.”

“What exactly is it that you are planning on doing with her, sir?” hissed Kryten.  
“I for one have absolutely no idea how to interact with children!”

“Relax Kryten, you’ve just got to get down on their level.  
“Oh Sam,” he said turning to face the little girl.

“Oh smeg...  
Where’s she gone???”

The mechanoid turned round.

“How should I know? Your the one who told me you knew how to take care of children!”

“Oh god! I can’t smeggin cope with you while your like this!” said Lister, running his hand down his face.

“While I’m like what???!” 

“We need to find her!” 

The scouser rushed out into the corridor in the hopes that he might find the little girl out there, but the passages were empty.

“She can move fast, I’ll give her that,” he said.  
“We need to lure her back somehow.”

“And just how do you propose to do that??”

“Head on down to the food storage bay, Kryten. We’re gonna need chocolate hob nobs. A whole lot of them.”

Six year old Sam was having a ball. She had just met a very interesting man who had very strange hair. He hadn’t had any chocolate though, which was a shame, because her tummy felt very hungry.  
The metal looking man had frightened her a little bit, he was scary looking, and a bit shouty. So she had left the room and begun to wander the corridors. She skipped along, running her hand down the wall as she went. 

She didn’t have a clue where she was, but it didn’t seem to be bothering her too much.  
As long as the metal man didn’t turn up again, she figured she’d be ok. For some strange reason, her left arm was really hurting her, but she didn’t know why. There were no bruises or marks on it.

At the back of her mind she was wondering where her mummy and daddy were, but she didn’t feel afraid, because where she was felt somehow familiar to her.  
It felt like home.

She turned left into a room with lots of bright lights and buttons.

‘Maybe there’s some food in here,’ she thought.

This room looked like a lot of fun. There were hundreds of different buttons and switches, so much so that she couldn’t decide which ones to press first. She beamed as she lightly trailed her fingers along them, finally coming to rest on a shiny red one on the lower left corner of the console, one she could easily reach. Upon pressing it, the all the lights in the room changed from their various colours to plain white. When she pressed it again, the colours returned. She giggled, and began to press the button continuously, until she had created a disco effect.

This was a fun game indeed.

Rimmer had been frantically pacing the corridors, trying to get his head round the major cock-up that the ship’s computer had caused.  
He stopped however, when his system switched to low power mode.

‘Odd,’ he thought.

Before he had time to switch back, his full colour returned by itself.  
Then it changed to black and white again, then colour, then back to black and white.  
In fact, his colour was now beginning to flicker so rapidly, it was making him feel a little unwell.

He closed his eyes in an attempt of locate the source of the problem. It was an upgrade he’d installed recently, and it had made a big difference when it came to diagnosing software errors.

Thankfully, he still had the ability to do it.

He reopened his eyes, and began to storm his way over to his holo-suite.

“I am really not in the mood to be messed about today!’ he roared.

As he approached the room, he said,

“Stop messing around with my low power-“

His tailed off as he took in the sight of the little girl, who currently had her back to him.  
She turned round and her bottom lip began to tremble.

“It’s ok!” said Rimmer instantly, in an attempt to calm her.

The last thing he wanted right now was a screaming child on his hands.

“It’s ok! I didn’t mean to shout! It’s just...” he slowly approached her,

“I really need you to stop pressing that button? Ok?”

The little girls bottom lip ceased it’s trembling, and she moved her hand away from the console.  
Regarding him warily, she knelt down on the floor and began to suck her thumb.

Rimmer restored his full power and squatted down so that he was on her level.

“Do you know how you got here?”

The little girl shook her head.

‘Great,’ he thought,  
‘The poor little thing’s probably been drafted in from another timeline.’

He wouldn’t put anything past that idiot computer.

Now that he was closer, the girls fear of him seemed to disappear remarkably quickly.

“You look funny,” she giggled.

“Do I?”

“You have a alphabet on your head,” she said, pointing at it.

“Yes I do,” he replied, smiling.

“Will you play a game with me?” she said, jumping up and twirling around, causing her pretty blue dress to flare out.

“I think we need to figure out how to get you back where you came from.”

“I want to play hide and seek!”

“No, we can’t play hide and seek now.”

“I’m gonna hide, you have to count!”  
She went to scamper out of the room.

“No,” he said, kindly but firmly.  
“Now come and sit back down.”

She did as asked, but clearly didn’t favour the idea of sitting still.  
Now she was fascinated with his hair, repeatedly pulling on one of his curls, watching it spring back.

“You look like a clown,” she said, a huge smile adorning her face.

“That’s enough of that,” he said, removing her hand  
“Now I really need you to try and think hard about...”

His sentence was cut short by the little girl throwing her arms around her neck.

“You feel like home,” she said.

Rimmer frowned, it seemed a remarkably odd thing for a child to say, especially a child he’d only just met.

“Ok that’s enough now,” he said, gently pulling her arms away from his neck. For some reason, the hug was making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

He stood up, and racked his brains about what the best thing to do with her would be.

“My arm hurts, Arnold..” she said suddenly.

He glared down at her.

“What did you just say?”

“My arm feels hurty.”

“How do you know my name??” he demanded of her, raising his voice a little.

She frowned and shook her head.

“I’m not sure. But my arm is definitely hurty.”

She showed it to him.

Her left arm...

All at once a horrible feeling stole over Rimmer, and he knew he had to ask the question.

“What’s your name?”

“Samantha Abigail Simpson,” said the girl proudly, as if she had only just recently learnt how to pronounce it correctly.  
“Are we going to play a game now?”

“No,” he said, backing away from her.  
“No, we’re not going to play any games.”

“But I’m bored!”

“I’m leaving now,” he said exiting the room.  
“Please don’’t follow me.”

But of course she did.

“I’m hungry as well,” she moaned  
“Do you have any chocolate? Chocolate cake is my favourite.”

“No, I don’t have any chocolate!” 

He increased the speed of his walking, but so did she.

“Why are you walking away from me??” 

“Because we can’t be together, alright?”

“But why?” whined Sam.

Thankfully for Rimmer, Lister turned up at that very moment.

“Sam!”

“You need to get rid of her Lister! Get rid of her now!” he shouted, his voice bordering on hysterical.

“Come on, Sam,” said Lister bending down to address the little blonde.  
“I’ve got chocolate hob nobs.”

Sam turned her attention to Lister briefly, and began to lick her lips...but not for long. It seemed that the pull to be with Rimmer, was stronger than the pull to eat chocolate biscuits.

She began moving towards the hologram again.

Rimmer yelled at the scouser,

“Take her away, Lister!”

The other man now made no hesitation, and swooped in to pick up little Sam.  
As he tried to walk away though, she stretched her arms out over his shoulder, as a child might do when being torn away from a parent, and began to cry.

“I want to stay with him,” she wailed.

“Come on Sam,” said Lister trying to be as comforting as he could be.  
“I found some toys for you to play with back in my room. You like toys, don’t you?”

“I want to stay with him!” she continued to wail.  
“He was there in the factory! He saved me from the bad things!”

Rimmer watched Lister leave with the devastated little girl, and tears began to fill his eyes.  
Of course it was his Sam, the bright blonde hair, the sparkling blue eyes, how could he not have realised?

Having to abandon her like that was causing the tears that had filled his eyes to begin slowly spilling down his cheeks.  
Of course it wasn’t Sam though...it wasn’t real Sam... it wasn’t his Sam. The whole situation was causing him to miss her even more, and at that very moment he would have given everything he had to hold her in his arms.  
Twenty nine year old Sam that was.

Six year old Sam had given him the creeps, on a major scale.

‘No wonder that hug felt weird,’ he thought to himself.

People weren’t supposed to encounter their lover as a child. The brain had no way of processing it. Rimmer winced as he felt his light-bee begin to operate at a much higher speed.

“Who the hell is that?” asked Cat when Lister brought Sam into the bunk room.

Lister rolled his eyes as he set the little girl down, he didn’t have the energy for any more drama.

“This is just a girl we found hidin down in the cargo bay.”

Normally that would have been enough to satisfy the felines curiosity. But not right now.  
As the travel through time had somehow scrambled the animals brain into a higher gear, Lister’s answer just wasn’t sufficient.

“Well where did she come from?”

“I don’t know, Cat!”

The human set down a a stuffed toy and a train set that he had managed to find down in the cargo hold.

To his relief, Sam stopped crying, and began to play with the trains.

“Children don’t just appear out of nowhere, monkey!”

“I don’t know Cat!”

“She looks like Sam.”

“It’s not Sam, ok? It’s just a little girl that Holly accidentally transported here from another time line!”

Cat nodded, but raised one eyebrow, as if to suggest that he wasn’t totally buying what the scouser had said.

“Well...Good! Cos I don’t wanna be meeting my future bride before she’s fully toilet trained!”

He flounced out.

No sooner had he left, than Kryten came clomping into the room.

“Oh and don’t you smeggin start!” cried Lister angrily.  
“I have had it up to here with this all this crap! I wish I’d never got out of bed this morning!”

“Well I actually came to tell you sir, that I believe that I’ve fixed the problem.  
Our Sam should be coming through to us any minute now.”

“You better be right, Kryten.”

Sure enough, a few moments later, the little girl sat on the floor amid the toys began so shimmer and distort. After a few moments, she turned into a much older looking girl, dressed in quite different attire.

A denim black jacket and a pair of distressed black jeans to be precise.  
A spiked dog collar adorned her neck, and part of her hair was dyed red.

“What the fuck is this shit!?” she demanded, looking at all the toys around her.

“Kryten, I don’t think this is quite right,” said Lister.

“Well...it’s close enough isn’t it?” said Kryten angrily.

“Excuse me love, how old are you?” asked Lister

“Eighteen, what the hell is it to you?” she said, glaring at the scouser.

“No Kryten, eighteen is not good enough! Not good enough by far!”

Kryten looked like his head was about to explode.

“Oh my god, I must have been on a right bender last night,” said the woman, standing up and taking in her surroundings.

“I don’t even remember being in this nightclub. the decors a bit shitty,” she said, wrinkling up her nose.

“Urn, this isn’t a nightclub, Sam,” said Lister.

“How the fuck do you know my name?” she asked, spinning round to face him.”

‘Nice going, Lister,” he thought to himself.

“You’ve checked up on me haven’t you?” she said, slowly backing away from him..

“I’ve heard about this. This is date rape, isn’t it?? You look through my wallet, discover all my details, and then you bring me back here to do disgusting things to me! You and that metal freak over there! Is he gonna film it?”

For the first time since arriving in the alternate timeline, Kryten was speechless.

Lister closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Look Sam, the thing is...For crying out loud, Kryten! She’s run off again!”

‘There’s gotta be an exit to this place,’ thought teenage Sam as she ran up and down the lengths of the corridors. 

‘This place is a goddam maze!’ 

She made it to one of the elevators, but had to stop and sit down as her arm began to throb.

“Ow ow ow ow ow!” 

Bob rounded the corner.

“Oh hello mate, don’t suppose you’ve got any paracetamol on you, have you?”

The small droid regarded her for a moment or two, before coming to rest beside her.

“I’m guessing that’s a no then? Fucking brilliant.”

She tried hard to remember what had happened, but she just couldn’t. Where were Sandra and Amy? Whenever she went on a night out, they were always the ones she went with.

‘What if something really bad’s happened to them? What if the guys who kidnapped us have already done terrible things to them??’

She needed to find them, and get out of this freak zone.

“Sam!” 

She turned her head in the direction of the voice, and saw a tall, fluffy haired man dressed in blue beginning to approach her.

He had a shimmering blue H on his forehead that matched his outfit perfectly.

“Oi! I know what you’re game is!” she said, standing up.  
‘You’re with those other freaks! You slipped me a couple of roofies have you? So you can all rape the shit out of me??!”

Rimmer stopped in his tracks.  
It wasn’t his Sam...the hair wasn’t right, neither was the way she was dressed. She was also a lot more mouthy than the Sam he knew.

He would have put her somewhere in her late teens.

“You know it’s a really ungentlemanly thing to force yourself on a woman, you prick!’

“Please don’t talk that way.”

He couldn’t bear to hear those words coming from her lips. Not when he knew what was destined for her a decade or so later.

“I’ll talk the way I want to, arsehole!” she said, advancing on him.

“Sam, please.”

“No! I know about men like you lot! Men who are far too ugly to score a date, and so they have to...”

Her speech died in the back of her throat, as she came up close to the hologram.

“H,” she said simply.

Her eyes widened in wonder, and her mouth parted.

“Come on Sam, let’s get you back to Kryten and Holly.”

Ignoring him entirely, she ran a finger up and down the letter on his forehead, causing him to shiver slightly.

“H for hot, H for hunky...H for hero.”

She kissed him softly on the lips.

To Rimmer, she tasted of bubble gum and cigarettes.

“My man in blue,” she said grinning at him.  
“I’ve been dreaming of you,” 

Rimmer tried in vain to tear his gaze away from her face, but he just couldn’t.

He wanted to kiss her, wanted to hold her in his arms.

‘It’s not right Rimmer...it’s not right.’

He took her good arm, in an attempt to lead her off down the corridor, but she stopped him.

“Save me Arnold! You’ve got to me the one to save me.”

“What?” he asked gently.

“The bad place, you’re going to save me from the bad place, you’re...”

She stopped talking as a trickle of blood ran down from her nose.

She brought her hand up to wipe the blood away.

Then she fainted.

Rimmer managed to catch her in his arms before she fell to the floor.  
He could actually feel her weight in his arms, and that threw him for a moment or two.  
He had been in pretty good shape before he’d died, and carrying her was by no means a difficult task, but he was used to people feeling weightless in his arms.

This body was going to take a lot of getting used to.

“Holly!” he called out to one of the monitors.

And then again when he got no response.  
“Holly!? Holly??!”

“Oh for smeg’s sake,” he grumbled.

“What the hell happened, Rimmer?” asked Lister, as he and Kryten watched the hologram enter the bunkroom and lay Sam gently down on the bottom bunk.

“I found her in one of the corridors!” said the other man frantically.  
“She was saying a load of messed up things! Then she just collapsed on me!”

Kryten shoved Rimmer out the way, to inspect the blonde a little more closely.

“Clearly her original self and her teenage self are fighting a war in her brain. It was far too much for her to handle, it would be far too much for anyone to handle!”

“Well sort her out, Kryten!” whined Rimmer, in what seemed to Lister to be the most pathetic sound that had ever come out the man’s mouth.

“I am doing my best, but it’s not that simple! You have absolutely no concept of how much Holly has messed things up!”

“Is that why you’ve disabled him?!”

“Believe me Mr Rimmer sir, it was for the very best.”

Rimmer’s eyes broadened significantly. 

“We’re going to die...we’re all going to die...”

“You’re already dead, Rimmer,” said Lister.

“I’ll die again, only a lot more painfully than the last two times!”

“I need her Kryten! I need her!” he cried out hysterically.

Suddenly, the holograms projection began to flicker aggressively, and Lister knew just how this next part would go.  
He promptly held his hand out for what was to come.

Rimmer’s light-bee landed right in the centre of his palm. 

“I am seriously coming to the end of my tether, Kryten.”

He got no response, as Kryten was far too busy focusing his attention on Sam.

Not that it really mattered. Lister knew the score.  
It was a stress overload, nothing more. For some reasons holograms weren’t built to handle large amounts of mental stress. It wasn’t the first time a traumatic situation had forced the hologram into his bee, and Lister knew that it wouldn’t be the last.

Tearing seven bells out of a kitchen appliance generally tended to lower his friends stress levels considerably. But with his strength now reduced to that of a normal humans, destruction of that nature wasn’t an option for him right now.

Having carried him down the corridor to the old captains quarters, Lister placed the light-bee on Rimmer’s pillow, and prepared to wait it out, just to make certain that his friend would re-materialise ok.

He then planted himself in Sam’s pink inflatable chair, and cracked open a lager.

Rimmer awoke suddenly. It took him a while to get to grips with his surroundings. Mainly because he appeared to be standing up, and his nostrils were currently being assaulted by the scent of mulled wine and mince pies.

‘Is it Christmas?’ he asked himself.

This question was answered for him the minute his eyes began to function normally.

He was standing in a cheery looking living room.  
There were many people gathered around, all dressed in fancy attire.  
He instantly recognised Sam’s parents Derek and Moira. The former was swearing a smart tuxedo, that appeared to only just be holding in his beer belly, and Moira was packed into such a tight purple gown that she almost resembled a blood sausage.  
They, and a couple of others, were currently engaged in a carol sing song around the upright piano in the corner of the room.

Feeling highly perturbed, Rimmer tried in vain to make sense of his situation.

‘Am I dreaming? Is it a dream?’

If it was it was an extremely vivid one. 

‘An alternate timeline, perhaps?’

“Excuse me,” he said, approaching a man who was helping himself to a stick of cheese and pineapple from the plate on the table.

“What’s going on here? Where am I?

“Urrr, it’s Christmas Day,” slurred the man, “And we’re at the Simpson house... that’s not the yellow cartoony people by the way.  
Christ mate, how much have you had to drink?”

“I’m...I’m not really sure,” replied the hologram, backing away.

“Ooh,” squealed a woman in a bright red dress, as he accidentally collided with her.

“Sorry,” he said instantly.

“Don’t be sorry, handsome! Love the suit by the way! Very dashing!”

‘Suit?’

Rimmer looked down to discover that he was indeed dressed in a smart dinner jacket, complete with a black bow tie.

He reached up to touch his forehead...no H.

He moved over to check his reflection in the small oval mirror above the fireplace.

A sixty year old man was looking back at him.

This situation was getting weirder and weirder by the minute, and just as he was trying to get his head straight, a stunningly beautiful woman entered the room.

It was Sam..his Sam.  
His gorgeous, wonderful, perfect little Sam.  
She sparkled in a dress made of pink sequins, with matching high heels. Her luscious blonde hair had been curled into pretty ringlets that sat just above her breasts, drawing attention to her modest cleavage.

He approached her.

“Sam?”

Her face took on a look of confusion, as she poured herself a shot of vodka.

“Do I know you?”

‘Great...she doesn’t know who I am,’ he thought, feeling crestfallen.

“Oh wait, you’re Daphne’s dad aren’t you?”

“No I’m not...”

“No sorry, Celia’s dad??!”

“I’m not anyone’s dad.”

“Well, who are you then?”

“I’m the man who loves you,” he blurted out, the words long gone from his lips before he had any chance in hell of filtering them.

Her pretty blue eyes suddenly became impossibly wide.

“No!” he said quickly.  
“I mean...I’m the man who loves your...dress!”

“What the fuck?!” she said,  
“Are you hitting on me??”

“No! No I’m not!” he held his hands up.

“Oh... well that’s good,” she said.  
“I’m not really into the whole grab a grandad scene.”

“Right,” he said, feeling hurt and insulted.

“Anyway,...”

His next sentence was interrupted by Sam’s mother, Moira.

“Sam, be a darling and go and grab some more candles for the table would you dear?”

‘Candles...Candles,’ he thought.

And suddenly everything slotted perfectly into place, and Rimmer knew exactly where he was.

‘You absolute moron!!” he said to himself, as he felt his blood run cold.

This wasn’t just any Christmas party. It was the Christmas party where his beloved woman would face one of the biggest traumas of her life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT  
> Warning: Explicit details of sexual abuse.
> 
> I am publishing Sam’s rape as a mini chapter, so that anyone who really doesn’t want to read about it can skip straight to the next chapter, and still be able to follow the storyline.  
> I really don’t want to upset anyone.

It’s the Christmas party you moron! THE Christmas party! How could you not have realised!!”

Sam rolled her eyes and made her way out of the living room.  
Rimmer followed her.

“Quit following me grandad,” she said irritably.

He gently grabbed he arm.

“Please don’t go down into that basement.”

She yanked her arm free.

“Touch me again you weirdo, and I’ll scream this house down.”

He watched her open the door and begin her descent down the stairs, and knew that he had to act quickly, even if it meant man handling her against her will.

Man handling of any sort wouldn’t be an option here though.  
He couldn’t follow her...he couldn’t move. His feet were rooted to the floor, and when he tried to scream her name, nothing came out. 

And then there he was. The man that he had vowed to slaughter if he ever set eyes on him was suddenly in full view.

Steve.

He was a rather short, ratty looking man, with a balding head and an unkempt beard. Rimmer would have placed him somewhere in his early fifties. He sauntered out of the living room, with a grin on his face. He wore a suspicious look, and kept double checking his surroundings to ensure that he wasn’t being followed.

As he approached Rimmer, the hologram launched a fist directly at him, but then had to watch in horror as it passed straight through the man. It was as if the the rapist were made of nothing more than cigarette smoke.  
He tried again and again. He tried to grab the man’s shoulders, tried to do anything he could to stop the infernal bastard going down the stairs to the basement, but he couldn’t do anything.  
He was totally and utterly useless.  
He couldn’t save her.

With his legs out of action, running away wasn’t an option, and so he was forced to stay and listen to the horror scene unravelling downstairs.

“Hi, what are you doing down here?”

“I’ve come down to see you,”

“Ok..that’s a bit random, I only just saw you upstairs.”

“You look really good tonight.”

“Aw thanks, I wasn’t sure if the dress was a bit too much.”

“No, it’s perfect baby, it’s absolutely perfect.”

“Steve...did you just call me baby?  
Steve...what are you doing?”

“Shhh, you’ll like it...I promise you’ll like it.”

“Steve...I don’t...what....no!...No I don’t want this...stop!”

“Stay still!” he heard the man yell, this was followed by a slapping sound.

‘He’s just hit her...I remember her telling me about that.’

Soon after the slapping sound came the sound of fabric tearing.

‘He’s ripped her beautiful dress...’ 

Not long after that, he could hear the sound of the table creaking, and the pathetic sound of Sam’s cries and sobs.  
Rimmer furiously clapped his hands over his ears, but he couldn’t drown out the noise.

And then all of a sudden he was down there with them.

Watching the man alternate between pinning her wrists down on the table, and firmly gripping her hips for purchase.  
There were would be bad bruises there in the morning.

His thoughts briefly turned to the bruise he had given her, and his warped mind for a second attempted to draw a line of similarity between him and the evil man in front of him.

His beautiful woman was struggling like mad to free herself. But she couldn’t.

Of course she couldn’t. She was far too small, her build far too fragile. She had no defence against an attacker...none whatsoever.

And he couldn’t free her. Every time he tried to interfere with what was taking place in front of him, his hands just passed through the two of them. They looked so clear to him, so vivid, and yet they were nothing more than smoke when he tried to interact with them.

“I’m sorry Sam,” he kept repeating over and over,  
“I’m sorry...”

“Help! Help me!” she began to scream.  
No one would come though, no one would ever come.  
By the sounds of it, everyone had now joined in with the sing song around the piano, and the noise was far too loud for anyone to hear her pleas.

He kept being struck by soft bursts of her perfume. Something fruity...strawberry perhaps?  
It smelt awful combined with the strong smell of paint thinner that seemed to be prevalent down here.

Tears were now streaming down his face. He kept trying to cover his ears and shut his eyes, but the nightmare he was currently a victim to, wouldn’t grant him that courtesy.

It wanted him to see and hear everything.

The woman in front of him was now worn out from her struggling, and just lay in her position over the table, like a limp rag doll.

“Please stop...” she begged, her voice only faintly audible.  
“Please stop...please stop...it hurts...it hurts so much.”

With the exception of his revolting grunting noises, Steve had said nothing throughout.  
The grin he wore spoke of his great enjoyment though.

A grin that one day, Rimmer vowed, he would wipe clean off the rapist’s face, in the most violent manner imaginable. 

“Help me, Arnold,” said Sam, suddenly stretching her arm out towards him.

‘She can see me now?’

He tried to take her hand, and found that he could this time around. It was trembling like mad, and he tried to squeeze it comfortingly.

“I’m here Sam...I’m here...”

Not long after making contact with her hand though, he suddenly felt an intense weakness in his body, and he fell to the floor as everything went black around him.

He came to to discover that he was standing in a giant plastic box. There was a light on above him, but the area outside the box was completely dark.

He took a deep breath, and prayed that the torture was over.

But an image of Sam suddenly appeared, pressed up against the glass. A spotlight came on above her head.

Her dress was torn, her legs were trembling, and her face was streaked with her make up. There was a nasty bruise forming on her lip.

Steve was stood just behind her, grinning widely at him. One hand resting possessively on her shoulder.

Sam fixed the hologram with a a dark and accusing look, her blue eyes gradually turning black.

“You said you’d protect me Arnold.”

Rimmer screamed at the top of his lungs, thankful that he could actually do that now.

And he didn’t stop screaming. He curled himself up into a ball and screwed his eyes tightly shut.

Then he felt a weight on his chest, and responded in kind by thrashing about violently.

“Rimmer, Rimmer man, you’ve got to calm down.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted these chapters together, so number five is the next one to read, if you can handle the warnings.

Rimmer screamed at the top of his lungs, thankful that he could actually do that now.

And he didn’t stop screaming. He curled himself up into a ball and screwed his eyes tightly shut.

Then he felt a weight on his chest, and responded in kind by thrashing about violently.

“Rimmer, Rimmer man, you’ve got to calm down.”

Then he could feel his shoulders being shaken, and the strong scent of leather being thrust up his nose.

“Come on, you’re gonna mess yourself up again.”

Rimmer bravely opened his eyes to discover that he was in his bedroom, and that it was Lister who had been leaning on his chest and shaking his arms.

Lister!” he cried out, and threw his arms around the scouser. He was trembling like mad and gripping the other man tightly, as if his whole existence depended upon it.

On any normal day, the smell of Lister’s stale lager and curry sweat would have made the scouser the last choice on the hologram’s hugging list.

But right now, it was any port in a storm.

“Smeg Rimmer! What’s goin on??”

Lister began to rub the other man’s back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. It was an odd thing to be doing to another man, but he was having problems calming the hologram down.

“Rimmer! Speak to me!”

But to begin with Rimmer couldn’t speak, he opened and shut his mouth a few times but, just like in the harrowing experience he had just been through, he couldn't.

“Rimmer please!” cried Lister in desperation.

He began to rock the man gently back and forth, as one might do a baby, and that felt like an even weirder thing to do.  
It seemed to be working though.

“Calm down man, you’ve got to calm down.”

Lister rocked his best friend for a few moments more, until Rimmer finally found his voice.

“I saw her, Lister,” he said, his trembling voice barely above a whisper.

“Saw who?”

“Sam. The night of the attack. I was there, I saw it.  
I saw everything.” 

“It was just a dream, Rimmer.”

“No it wasn’t,” affirmed the hologram, pulling back to look Lister firmly in the eye.  
He also reached his hand up to discover that his H was once again present.  
A quick touch of his hair confirmed that he was young again.

“Come on man,” said Lister soothingly  
You know your programmin always goes bonkers when your system force shut downs. And we were talkin about the attack earlier weren’t we? So it’s fresh in your mind.”

“This wasn’t a dream, Lister!” snapped the other man.  
“I know it wasn’t!”

“How?” demanded Lister.  
“How can you know it wasn’t a dream?”

Rimmer had no answer.

“I don’t know!... I just know!”

“That makes no sense, Rimmer.”

“It felt too real, Lister! Far too real! The sounds, the smells...my surroundings. It was all so vivid, and I can remember everything that took place, all the little details, everything!” 

“Ok,” said Lister.  
“Well what do you think it was then?”

Rimmer took an unneeded breath and said with perfect clarity.

“At first I thought I’d traveled to some weird alternate reality...but now I know for sure.  
I travelled back in time.”

Lister didn’t look convinced.

“That’s not possible Rimmer, Holly’s the one responsible for all the messed up time travellin, and he’s been disabled.”

“I don’t know how it happened Lister, I just know that it did! I saw everything Listy, everything that bastard did to her, how frightened she was...the sound of her crying.”

He suddenly leant over the edge of the bed and began to retch violently.

“Woah...” said the other man.  
“I had no idea holograms could do that... You feeling sick?”

“As a dog.”

When the retching finally calmed down, Rimmer turned his gaze back to Lister and said.

“I couldn’t save her Listy...I couldn’t do anything.”

“What? You mean you were scared?”

The other man shook his head.

“No...I just couldn’t move, it’s like I was rooted to the spot.  
I couldn’t save her...”

Lister was disturbed to find tears in the mans eyes.  
He didn’t think he’d ever seen Rimmer cry before today.  
Today he had seen it twice.

He couldn’t think of a reply

Eventually Rimmer said,

“You don’t believe me about any of this, do you?”

Lister pulled a face that told the hologram he was indeed having trouble believing the situation, but in the end he replied,

“Of course I do..  
If you say it wasn’t a dream, well, I believe you.”

“Thank you Lister. I need to see her though, I need to see her so desperately.”

“Kryten’s workin on it man,” Lister tried to reassure him.  
“And as bad tempered as he is right now, I trust him a whole lot more than I’ve ever trusted Holly.  
She’ll be here soon.”

Rimmer nodded slowly, feeling a tad reassured.

All of a sudden, Cat came storming into the room.

“How come eraser head won’t let me in the science room??”

Lister screwed his eyes shut momentarily.

“Because he's doin somethin really technical and he doesn't want to be disturbed.”

“I don’t believe that for a second. Sammy’s in there isn't she?”

“No she isn’t!” shouted Lister.

“Yes she is!” said Rimmer.

“I knew it!” said Cat.

Lister could have very easily thumped the hologram in the face at that precise moment.

“Look Cat, she was in there, but she’s not now!”

“Yes she is!” repeated Rimmer.

“Well I’m goin in to see her, and neither you nor freakface are gonna stop me!”

Lister suddenly lunched towards him, and smartly punched the animal in the face, knocking him to the floor. 

“Lister, what the smeg!!?”

“He can’t go in that room, Rimmer!”

“Why the smeg not!?”

“Because,” began Lister, picking Cat up off the floor.  
“I don't want him freakin out, I haven’t got the energy for it.”

“Why would he freak out?” asked the hologram, getting up and freeing the bottom bunk for Lister to use.

Lister really didn’t have the strength to keep up a pretence anymore.

“He’s in love with Sam.”

“What???” 

“Hopefully I haven’t hurt him too bad,” said the scouser, casting a worried glance over the animal lying on the bed.

“I’m waiting, Lister.”

“Alright...sit down.”

“Why the smeg do I need to sit down??”

“Cos I think you’ll feel better if you do!”

Rimmer eyed the other man curiously, but moved to sit down at the table. Lister joined him.

“Look, you know Cat’s always had a bit of a thing for Sam?”

“Yes,” replied the other man warily.

“Well ever since he got here, it’s kind of gone into overdrive.”

“What, you mean he’s been affected in some way, like the rest of us have?”

Lister nodded.

“He truly believes that Sam is the love of his life...and he’s gonna ask her to marry him.”

Rimmer’s face paled considerably.

“That’s all just because of this crazy timeline though, isn’t it?”

“I’m not sure,” replied Lister.

“You’re not sure??!”

“No I’m not! I mean look at the way he reacted when he found out you’d hurt Sam! He punched you in the face, Rimmer!”

Rimmer put his head in his hands.

“You don’t think she’ll say yes to his proposal, do you?”

“Rimmer, she loves you!”

“I hope she still does Listy, I really hope so.  
I wish we’d never had that argument, it was such a stupid, pointless, petty argument.”  
Rimmer began to pace the floor.

“What was it about?”

“She wanted to know about my childhood.”

“Oh...” replied Lister, who knew full well what a taboo subject Rimmer’s early years were.

“I yelled at her, Lister, I was so angry I was just...”

“Oh, you didn’t go into arsehole mode did you?”

“I knew I shouldn’t have...What?”  
The hologram ceased his pacing, and turned to face Lister.

“What did you just say?”

“Arsehole mode, you know. It’s where you puff out your chest and do this weird thing with your chin. You bring yourself up to your full height, shoulders back and everything, so you can talk down to people more easily.  
And then you sort of...”

“Yes alright thank you!” snapped the other man.

“So anyway”, continued Lister,  
That’s why I couldn’t let Cat in there, things are messed up enough as they are.”

“They couldn’t be anymore messed up, Lister. I am now convinced that the love of my life is going to ditch me for that shallow, ignorant moggy!”

“I’m sure that won’t happen.” 

Rimmer rolled his eyes.

The two men sat in silence for a bit, until a thought occurred to the hologram.

“I’m actually not that bad looking am I, Lister?” he asked, catching sight of himself in the mirror. 

“Well Sam obviously doesn’t think so,” said the other man, picking up his guitar and lazily strumming some chords.

“I’m young, Lister.”

“Yeah Rimmer, we established that about three hours ago.”

“No I mean, I’m young, I’m the same age as Sam, more or less.”

“What are you gettin at?” 

“Which Rimmer would you rather be with? Me Rimmer, or old Rimmer?”

“Can I pick neither, cos you’re a smeghead either way.”

“I’m going to see if I can figure out how to keep myself like this,” said the hologram, ignoring his best friends comment.

“For real?”

“Don’t you get it? She’ll like me better this way! She’ll no longer feel like she has a second father! We’ll look better together!”

“Rimmer, I don’t think Sam’s that shallow...”

“She’ll be more willing to give me a second chance! That stupid animal,” he pointed to the creature lying on the bed,  
“Won’t be muscling in on my patch any time soon. Not when I look as youthful and vibrant as I do now.” 

“Rimmer man, I don’t think you’re thinkin straight. You need to give yourself time to come to terms with all the things you saw.”

“I’m fine,” said Rimmer, in a short snappy tone

“If you say so,” said Lister doubtfully as the hologram left the room.

Sam wasn’t going through a particularly nice experience. There were bright lights shining in her eyes, and each one of her limbs were throbbing. She knew she’d felt like this before, but she couldn’t quite remember when.  
Then a freezing cold wind whipped through her, and she opened her eyes suddenly, to find Kryten standing over her.

“Kryten!” she gasped, and threw her arms around the mech.

“Welcome back, Miss Samantha.”

“I’ve been having some really messed up dreams, Kryten. I dreamt that you guys all went back in time and...” her eyes wid ened considerably.

“Where’s Arnold, I need to see Arnold!”

“I think he’s in the bunk room, Miss...but you really shouldn’t be getting up just yet!”

His plea fell on deaf ears though.

Her arm was throbbing like a bitch, but she didn’t care. She desperately needed to see the man that she cared for so dearly.

Making it to the bunkroom, she ran in to find Lister preparing a kebab of some sort.

“Lister!”

“Sam!” he shouted, and hugged her tightly.

“Ow,” she cried out softly, as he accidentally caught her arm in the process.

“Sorry. I’ve got to say Sam, I am so smegging glad to see you.”

“What’s wrong with you, Dave?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you look like you’re about twelve?”

“I’m not twelve Sam, I’m somewhere in my early thirties, but thanks for the compliment.”

“And why is Cat young, and passed out on the bed with a bloody nose? 

“Ah well, you see...”

“It wasn’t a dream, was it?” she asked, as the pieces began to come together in her mind.

Lister slowly shook his head.

“Where’s Arnold??” 

“Holo-suite,” replied Lister, adding some more sauce to his kebab. He turned round to find the room now empty.

“Bye then,” he said to himself.

“Arnold!” cried Sam, as she entered the holo-suite.

The hologram initially had his back to her, but as he slowly turned round, her face fell.

“Oh god, Sam are you a sight for sore eyes.”

It was definitely his Sam. The cast on her arm was back, and she was dressed in the purple dress that she’d put on that very morning.

His perfect little angel. He could almost smell the glorious scent of her skin, could almost feel her delicate fingers trailing over his body.

He walked towards her.

“Don’t come near me!” she said suddenly.

“What?” he stopped.

“Who are you?” she demanded.

“It’s me, Arnold. How can you not recognise me?”

“Arnold?” she asked mystified, and began to approach him.

As she neared him, it slowly became clear to her that it was indeed Arnold J Rimmer...why hadn’t she recognised him in the same way that she had recognised Lister and the Cat?”

He just didn’t look right to her.

“You’ve got...so much hair.”  
She grabbed a handful of ringlets and began to wrap them round her fingers.

“You’re not my Arnold,” she said, her eyes full of sadness.

“But I am,” he protested.

“I’m just young...like you.”  
It was taking every ounce of restraint he had not to launch himself at her and cover her in kisses.

He moved to put his arms around her.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, backing away.

“But Sam, I need to hold you!” he cried desperately.  
“I need to kiss you! I need to make things better!”

“I know you’re Arnold,” she said,  
“But you’re not my Arnold.”

“I am your Arnold! It’s still me!”

“No,” she said sadly.

“My Arnold has lines on his face, lines that show up beautifully when he smiles.  
My Arnold has callouses on his hands,” she said, taking one of Rimmer’s hands and feeling its smoothness.  
“My Arnold is a lot older, and, as strange as it sounds...I actually feel safer with him that way.  
He’s my protector.  
And you’re not him.”

“Sam?!?”

“Please don’t come near me again.”

Watching her leave, Rimmer didn’t think he had ever felt more confused in his entire life and death put together


	7. Chapter 7

“She doesn’t like me!” cried Rimmer as he stormed into the bunk room, startling Lister out of demolishing his kebab. A kebab that had literally stunk out the majority of the habitation deck.

“What?!”

“She says I don’t look right! I mean, what does that even mean?” demanded Rimmer, wrinkling his nose up at the smell of chilli and burnt garlic. 

Lister pulled an ‘I told you so,’ face.

“Do not pull that face at me Lister!”

“Well I did try to warn you...”

“I just don’t understand, ” said the other man, as he slumped down in the chair next to Lister.

“I thought she’d prefer me like this.”

“As I tried to say before Rimmer,” said Lister with a mouth full of kebab,  
“Sam’s not shallow.”

“I don’t understand what that means!” said Rimmer irritably.  
“And please don’t talk with your smegging mouth full!!!”

Lister chewed and swallowed.  
Then took a deep breath, almost as if he were going to to explain something complicated to a child.

“You’re not the way you were when she first met you in the factory, are you?  
You’re not the Arnold J Rimmer that saved her life? You’re not the one she fell in love with, are you?”

“Well, I suppose that makes sense,” said Rimmer screwing his face up momentarily.

“Ah, but what about in that past experience thing I just had,” he continued.  
“She told me that she wasn’t into the whole ‘Grandad thing,’” he made commas with his fingers.

“Yeah, but she actually know you at that point? Properly I mean?”

“Well...no, she didn’t know me at all to begin with.”

“There you go,” said Lister, speaking with a mouthful again.  
“She probably doesn’t normally go for guys our age, most young women don’t! But once she fell in love with you...you’re age became nothin more than a number to her.”

“So you’re saying she doesn’t fancy me then??”

“No,” said Lister, trying desperately hard not to offend, for perhaps the one and only time in his life.

“It’s just...well...I think that part maybe came after the love part...or maybe its because of the love part?”

Rimmer sighed long and hard.

“It pains me to admit this Listy, but I think you could be right. How could I have been so stupid not to realise that?”

“Cos you’re a smeghead,” said the other man, grinning at him.

“Alright, calm down Lister...this is a one time event! Don’t expect to be right about anything else ever again!  
And put that sodding guitar down!”

The other man sulked momentarily, but then a strange expression came over his face.

“Can you feel that, Rimmer?”

“What? The uptight feeling that you’re about to short circuit my hearing?”

“No! That feeling, it’s cold, it’s really cold...”

It wasn’t long before Rimmer could feel it too.

The icy wind, rushing over him.

‘Here it comes,’ he thought, and prayed that Kryten had been able to fix what Holly had catastrophically cocked up.

Then he opened his eyes and focused on Lister.

As his eyesight slowly started to function, he could see the scouser patting the podge around his middle.

“Well, welcome back beer belly, can’t say I’ve really missed you.”

‘He’s back to normal,’ thought Rimmer, who dived up and stood in front of the mirror.

He was normal too, as was the bunk room.

Just be sure, he picked up the mug from the table and and squeezed, smiling as it reassuringly shattered into pieces.

“Oi Rimmer, that was my favourite mug!”

Rimmer ignored the angered scouser.

He was thinking about Sam. 

“Please tell me Kryten hasn’t messed things up even further? I’d better not come across my girlfriend and discover her as a sixty year old woman!”

“Nope, still 29.”

He looked over and saw the object of his affection framed in the doorway.

She ran in and near enough launched herself at him, then squealed when she hurt her arm.

His face, drawn instantly to the cast, fell considerably. Almost as if the recent events had somehow caused him to somehow forget what he’d done to her.

“I’ve missed you so much, Arnold,” she said softly, and placed a hand under his chin, in order to bring his eyes back up to hers.

“I’ve missed you so much too,” he said, pulling her into a hug and inhaling the scent of her hair. God he loved that lavender shampoo she used. That, and feeling her soft body meld with his was nothing short of heaven in his opinion.

Likewise for her, his firm body was what it always been for her. An anchor in a storm. Something firm to hold on to, something to keep her safe from harm.

“How did you get here so quickly?” he asked her.

“I was on my way to apologise. I felt bad for the way I’d spoken to you. Then that weird gale thing happened again and....well everything’s back to normal now, isn’t it?”

“Yes it is,” he smiled.

They began to kiss.

“If you guys are gonna start makin out in here, can you please give me a heads up so I can make a speedy exit.”

“Dave!”  
Sam let go of her lover and gave the scouser a hug too.

“Woah...what’s that for?!”

“I’m just so glad your both back to normal. It was freaking me out and no joke.”

“Well hello everyone! I trust that I managed to navigate us all safely back to our original time zone?”

“Yeah Krtyen, you did,” replied Lister warily.  
“You feeling ok?”

“Absolutely fine Mr Lister, why?”

Lister scanned the mechs body language and facial expression for sincerity. But there was nothing bad-tempered or aggressive there now.

“You know how shitty you were with us before?”

Kryten looked momentarily ashamed.

“I’d rather not speak about it, if you don’t mind.”

“You’ve nothing to feel embarrassed about, Kryten,” said Sam, putting her arms round him.  
“That time zone made all of us do crazy things! Well, all except for me. But I got left behind though didn’t I?”

She looked at the hologram and noticed him looking at the cast again, almost as if he were fixated by it. Eventually he spoke, dragging his eyes back up to hers.

“Sam?  
Do you remember anything strange going on?”

She frowned

“No, why?”

She saw Rimmer and Lister exchange glances.

“It’s not important,” said Rimmer dismissively.

“What?! Oh please not this cloak and dagger bullshit again!”

“It is not cloak and dagger, Sam! It’s just...”

“Now what would everyone like for dinner?” interrupted Kryten, and Sam noticed Rimmer giving him a look of appreciation.

Just as Lister was beginning to run through his curry order for the evening, Sam turned to her lover and said under her breath,  
“This isn’t over, Arnold Judas Rimmer.”

Cat turned up for dinner, appearing to be just like his old self. Lister wondered if he had any clue of the weird ideas he’d been spouting.  
The feline did wiggle his eyes at the petite blonde several times, but that wasn’t really anything new. 

Dinner was a frustrating affair on Sam’s part.

Rimmer spend the majority of it shooting glances at her arm, almost as if he expected it to detach itself from her body and fly off out of the room.

He had asked her countless times if she was ok, had asked Kryten three times to get painkillers for her, despite her protests that she didn’t need any. Then he started banging on about the fact that her cast looked too tight. The final straw, however, came when he offered to cut her lasagne up for her.

She had carefully set her cutlery down on the table and exclaimed rather loudly.

“For god’s sake Arnold, will you please just shut the fuck up!”

A knife could have sliced right though the tension brewing between them, and it was for this reason that the rest of the meal passed in silence.

After dinner Rimmer dismissed everyone, saying that he needed alone time with Sam.

Lister left, mumbling something about using their own bedroom instead of his bunk room.  
Cat slowly followed him out, although, Rimmer noted, he seemed reluctant to leave.

“That means you as well, bog bot!” said the hologram, noticing that Kryten had completely ignored his request, and had taken it upon himself to start clearing the table.

The mechanoid jumped a little at the severity in the man’s voice.He quickly picked up the last plate from the table and left.

“Arnold, if you’re going to ask me another question about my sodding arm?”

“No I’m not,” he said quietly, although he did glance warily at it again.

“Sam...there’s something you need to know.”

“Oh no,” a look of great concern took up residence on her features.

“What?” he said, a trace of irritation in his voice. The irritation that always seemed to make itself known when someone interrupted something difficult that he had geared himself up to say.

“You’re gay, aren’t you?”

“What??!”

“You’re gay...with Lister...You’re gay with Lister, and and you don’t know how to tell me.”

“Sam, I am not....”

“That’s why you were all giving each other weird looks before dinner! Something strange happened in the time zone din’t it? Something that made...Is Kryten in on it too?”

“Sam, I am not gay! Now will you please let me finish what I was saying!”

“Fine,” she grumbled.  
“Get on with it then.”

He took an unneeded breath and placed his and on top of hers where it lay on the table.

“I saw you, in the alternate timeline,” 

She raised her eyes to the ceiling.

“Look, I’m sorry ok, You just really didn’t look right and it freaked me out. I’m not used to seeing you young...”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

There was an awkward pause.

Sam filled it.

“Okaaaaay...”

Rimmer closed his eyes momentarily.

“I was there, that night with Steve.”

She looked puzzled.

“Umm no you weren’t, rape or not, I think I would have noticed if there was a blue beanpole hiding out down in my basement”

“No Sam I mean, in the alternate time zone. I think I malfunctioned or something, and I ended up being there, witnessing the whole thing! Although I had no control over what was going on. Initially I thought it was a dream.”

“It more than likely was,” she said curtly.  
“Though why you feel the need to share it with me, god only knows.”

The subject had clearly got her back up.  
He had expected it to.

“It wasn’t a dream, Sam,” he said patiently, softly stroking her knuckles.

“Alright,” she said, leaning back in her chair and pulling her hand away from his. She’d missed his touch insanely. Although it hadn’t really been more than twelve hours or so, it felt like a lot longer.  
But she didn’t want to be comforted by him right now.

She was annoyed with him, although she couldn’t really fathom why.

“What colour dress was I wearing?”

“It was sparkly pink, short, and it had a low cleavage.”

She didn’t look convinced.

“I probably told you that before.”

“Sam...”  
He really didn’t want to say the next part, but it was the only thing he could think of to get her to believe him.

“He took you down to the basement, and he....

He didn’t speak during it. You did. You kept crying about how much he was hurting you.  
You were wearing perfume, something like strawberry, and there was a strong smell of pain thinner down there. 

He paused briefly.

“Steve is a short man with very little hair, and a long beard.”

She wouldn’t make eye contact with him.  
Instead she got up and moved across to the other side of the room.

“Sam,” he said gently, getting up and walking over to her.

“I’m sorry I had to tell-“

She spun round and slapped him in the face...hard. Instantly thankful that she had remembered to use her good arm.

“Ow! What the smeg was that for?” he said, backing off and covering his cheek.

Tears began to stream down her face.

“How dare you! You had no right! You had no right to be there!”

“Sam, please,” he tried to get close to her again.

“Don’t fucking touch me!!”

“I don’t understand what I’ve done!” he cried.

“I did not give you permission to see me like that! To see me in that pathetic state! But oh no! You just wandered on in there! What have you got in your pocket there? An all access pass to my memories!?”

“I didn’t have a choice, Sam” he said, becoming angry himself.

“Do you think I wanted to be there? Do you think it wasn’t hell for me??  
Crouched in the corner trying to cover my eyes and ears!  
I tried to help you! I tried to stop it happening...but I couldn’t! The stupid dream/timeline whatever it was, wouldn’t let me!”

“You shouldn’t have been there,”

She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her good arm.

“Look at me Sam...please”

Reluctantly she did, and the abundance of empathy reflected in his brown eyes, softened her temper considerably.

“I had no say in the matter,” he said.

She nodded her head slowly, then cleared her throat.

“So do you still love me?”

She didn’t think she’ d ever seen him look so confused.

“Do you still love me after seeing me in that...that weak and helpless state?”

He took her head in his hands and wiped her stray tears away with his thumbs.

“I love you even more than I did before.”

“But I didn’t fight, Arnold! I didn’t fight hard enough! I let him do what he did to me!”

“Don’t you ever say that!” he said firmly, “  
Don’t you ever let me hear you say that!

“There was nothing you could have done to stop him Sam, I know, I was there!”

The warm hands cradling her face tightened momentarily, and his face was now so close to hers that she could pick out the green flecks in his eyes.

“But you picked yourself up, and you carried on. You went back upstairs to that party and managed to carry on as if nothing had happened! That’s true strength, and that’s why seeing what happened to you...the way it happened to you...It’s made me realise. You’re everything to me.” 

“I am?”  
A half hearted smile lit up her face.

“You are the bravest person I know, Samantha Simpson. How could I not love you for that?”

Her smiled widened.

“I love you too.”

She pulled away from him suddenly, confusing him a little, as he was expecting a makeup kiss and a cuddle.

“Meet me in our room in about half an hour or so,” she said, backing out of the bunk room.

“What? Why?”

“Just do it, Arnold!” 

“Alright, Sam?” Rimmer heard Lister say out in the corridor.

“Is it ok to come in to MY bunk room now?” asked Lister, trying very hard to get his point across.

It was, of course, ignored.

“Hey, where are the remains of my mug??”

“I think Kryten swept them up,” said Rimmer, not caring in the least.

“What?? No! I was gonna glue the pieces back together!” said Lister, waving a tube of glue around for emphasis.

“Lister, they weren’t pieces, they were smithereens.”

“That was my favourite Zero G football mug!” whined the other man.  
“You owe me, Arnold Rimmer!

“Whatever,” said Rimmer nonchalantly, lying down on the bottom bunk.

“So I’m guessin you spoke to Sam?” asked the other man, grabbing a beer from the fridge and settling down at the table to drink it.

“I did.”

“And how did she take it?”

“She slapped me to begin with, but now she says I have to meet her in our room in half an hour.”

“Woah ho! Sounds like someone’s on a promise!”

“What are you jabbering on about?” 

“Sounds like someone’s about to get their end away,” grinned the scouser.

Rimmer paused, as if he hadn’t quite understood what the other man had said.

After a bit he said,

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lister!” 

Despite his answer though, a tingle of hope blossomed from somewhere inside of him.

“Why am I bein ridiculous??”

“Do you really think she’s going to be up for something like that after the day she’s had!?”

“Women’s sex drives work in mysterious ways, my friend,” said Lister tapping his nose.

“Sam isn’t like normal women you gimboid! She’s a rape victim, their minds work on a completely different level! You haven’t got a smegging clue what your talking about!”

“Ok, ok simmer down! Why are you bein so angry?”

Rimmer knew exactly why he was getting angry. Lister was dangling the carrot, so to speak. Teasing him into believing that he’d walk into that room and she’d tell him she was finally ready to consummate their relationship. She wouldn’t be drunk this time, she wouldn’t throw up on him. It would be just as glorious as he’d always imagined it to be.

But there was a good chance Lister was wrong.

“Rimmer,” continued Lister, “I don’t see what-“

“Because I can’t get my hopes up!” Rimmer shouted at him

“I’ve done it too many times before, Listy,” the hologram continued in a softer voice.  
“And so many times, it just didn’t happen for one reason or another.  
You don’t know how badly I want this.”

“Ummm yes I do, and so does everyone else on the ship. Do you think we don’t all know what your doin sneakin off to the toilets to have a tommy tank every five minutes?”

Rimmer’s face turned crimson.

“Lister that is not...I mean...you can’t” he spluttered.

Then his eyes widened, to the extent that Lister truly believed they were going to pop out of his face.

“Oh god, you don’t think Sam knows as well, do you?”

Lister smiled softly and shrugged.

“Well, she’s got eyes and ears, Rimmer.

“Oh smeg,” said Rimmer, putting his fist in his mouth.

“Oh relax, she wouldn’t hate you for it. You’re a man at the end of the day.  
Just out of interest...  
Did you ever get caught?”

“Once...by Kryten,” said Rimmer, getting off the bed to join Lister at the table.

“No smeggin way!” Lister’s hamster cheeks were in full swing.

“I told him I was recalibrating certain parts of my software.”

“Did he buy it?”

“Completely. Although he did ask why I was doing it in the toilet rather than in the holo-suite.”

“What did you say to that?” 

“I made up some mumbo jumbo about needing to check how my holographic signal passed through tiled walls. It was all fine until he asked if he could carry on cleaning while I did it.”

“I’m guessin you told him to smeg off,”

“I did indeed,” said the other man, moving to sit at the table

“Wait, so you had your todge out throughout that whole conversation??”

“Yes.”

Lister tried to stop himself from laughing...and failed.

Rimmer glared angrily at him.

“Sorry Rimmer man, but that is the best smeggin laugh I’ve had all year!”

“Hmph,” was the holograms only response.

“Ok, ok,” said the scouser, trying to calm himself down. Let’s say she does want it....are you properly prepared?”

“Lister, no one in the history of the world has ever got pregnant from static electricity.”

“No way! You shoot static electricity instead of...you know what, I don’t t even wanna know!” 

“You I know I can’t have children, Lister.”

“I know, man,” the scouser replied softly.

“But that’s not what I meant anyway. I meant, are you feelin unsure about anything?”

“I know how to have sex with a woman, Lister!” said the hologram fiercely.

“I MEAN emotionally prepared, you know?”

“I love her, more than I thought it was ever possible to love anyone. I’ve been emotionally prepared for this for months,” replied Rimmer, whose fingers had begun to drum nervously on the table.

“Ok,” said Lister resolutely.  
“Well then quit shootin the breeze with me and get on in there!”  
“In the room I mean,” he added cheekily.

Rimmer checked his watch.

“It’s not quite time yet.”

“What do you mean it’s not time?  
You’re stallin!” 

Lister pointed a finger at his best friend.

“I am not stalling!”

“Yes you are!”

“No I’m not!”

“Well get up from that table and walk out that door! Unless you want me to start hummin at you!”

“Fine,” said the hologram. “I will!”

He quickly stood up from the table, and headed towards the door, but stopped in the doorway.

Lister sighed.

“Come on man, don’t be a coward, not with somethin like this.”

“You don’t understand, Lister,” the other man said from his position at the door.  
“I’m scared.”

Lister couldn’t comprehend that.

“That’s not somethin most men say when they’re about to get their leg over.”

“Yes well I’m not most men, am I Lister?” said the hologram turning round to face him.

“I’ve already broken her once, who’s to say I won’t do it again?”  
Lister could discern a slight tremble in his best friends voice.

“It was an accident, Rimmer.”

“She’s so fragile Lister, so fragile...far too fragile for a great hulking monster like me. She should be with someone...I don’t know someone like...”

His statement caused a horrific thought to occur to him.

“Have you spoken to the cat since we got back??” he asked warily.

“Yep. I had a chat with him, and he’s well...he’s just normal Cat. He says he cares about Sam in a friendly way...but nothing more.”

“I still can’t forgive myself for what I did to her,” said the hologram, clearly feeling sorry for himself. 

But Lister had had enough of Rimmer’s pity party.  
“Listen you smeghead! People recover from broken arms, it’s not so easy to recover from death by falling! Now get your bleedin arse over to that room, Rimmer! I am not gonna let your bail on that woman!”

Rimmer nodded firmly, almost as if he had received that order from a superior.  
Drawing himself up to his full height, he left the bunk room.

As he approached the door to his and Sam’s bedroom, a million thoughts were racing through his mind.

“Alright Rimmer, it’s going to be one of three things.  
She’ll have gotten herself drunk, like last time, and I’ll walk in to find her passed out on the bed surrounded by a pool of vomit.

Or

She’ll still be angry with me for seeing what happened to her, and she’s planning on giving me a bollock kicking of a lifetime.”  
He wasn’t sure why she’d need half an hour to prepare for that though.

“Or 

She’ll be waiting in there wearing that light blue chemise she knows I like so much, laid out on the bed, with a come hither glance in her eyes.”

Surprisingly the third option frightened him the most, despite how much he wanted it. Because he couldn’t afford to be nervous, he had to be the strong one. If he came across as nervous, then it would make her more nervous, and the whole thing would be over before it had started.

‘However nervous you are...it’s ten times worse for her.’ he thought.  
‘Don’t mess it up, Rimmer...don’t you dare even think about messing this up...’

“It’s me,” he said.

“Come in, Arnold,” her sweet, delicate voice floated out to him.

And summoning up every bit of courage he had, Arnold J Rimmer pushed the button that opened the door


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT HETEROSEXUAL FUNTIMES.
> 
> Please skip to the next chapter if porn makes you squick.

Upon entering the room, it was clear to see that the third option was looking most likely.  
There, lying in the centre of the bed, arms stretched out over the pillows, was the most beautiful woman in the universe.

Wearing the blue chemise, and smiling at him.

Something downstairs twitched, merely at the sight of it. Nevertheless he glanced around to check for wine bottles.

“I’m not drunk, Arnold,” she said patiently.  
“I’m horny.”

‘Did she actually just say that?!’ he thought.

“Come and smell my breath if you don’t believe me.”

But he didn’t go and check, and surprisingly not because he felt nervous.

Truth be told, he was enjoying the view. The nightdress clung to the contours of her body so exquisitely, and the sight of her erect nipples through the silk material was doing funny things to his light-bee.

The only entirely unsexy thing was the cast on her arm. But they could get round that.

“Why don’t you come on over here?” she questioned him, in a gentle tone.

“I don’t want to rush it.”

“Rush what?”

“Rush this! If this is what I think it is. Is this what I think it is? Or have I got it all wrong?”

“Arnold,” she said slowly and patiently.

“I want to have sex with you.”

The horny teenager inside him tried desperately to take over his mind and send him over at a rate of knots to devour her.

But he fought it back down.

If what was going to happen was going to happen, then he wanted to savour every minute of it.  
Plus, he wasn’t going to do anything impulsive or overtly passionate. Something like that was liable to scare the living daylights out of her.

‘You can sleep with her Rimmer, it’s ok, she’s giving you permission.’  
But no...before he invested himself in the situation, there was something he had to know.

“Why now?” he asked her gently 

“Sorry?”  
She changed her position slightly on the bed, and in doing to exposed part of her left breast.

He’d seen her naked dozens of times but, in his opinion, there was nothing as sexy as a scantily clad body.

He turned his back on her momentarily. His resolve was weakening, he could feel it.

“I just...I feel different. I feel closer to you, somehow..”

“So let me get this straight,” he said forcing himself to turn around and face her.  
“We fight, I break your arm, we end up in a ridiculous time zone god knows where, I tell you I saw you the night you were raped, we fight again...and that’s put you in the mood for sex?”

She abandoned her sexual position on the bed, and sat up more directly.

“I don’t expect you to understand, Arnold, I barely understand it myself. It’s just, well it’s the thought that you now know everything about me. You’ve seen me at the worst possible time of my life, and you still love me. It’s made me realise how safe I feel when I’m with you, and I think...I really think I’m ready.”

“And you’re sure?” he asked warily.

She nodded, and settled back to her previous position on the bed.

“So...are you going to make love to me or what?” 

Rimmer pinched himself, hard.  
It hurt.

His self control was slipping further and further away from him. He was still wary, he still didn’t trust that she was ready, but unfortunately that concern was rapidly being drowned out by the,  
“I wonder if her breasts feel as firm as they look,” thoughts.

“You’ve got a broken arm,” he protested...as a last attempt at holding on to his sensibilities. 

“Kryten just gave me some painkilllers, I’ll be fine. Just as long as you’re not planning on swinging me from the chandeliers?”

She chuckled nervously and expected him to respond, but he was stone silent.

The look on his face was one that she had only ever seen once before, and the intensity of it would have been borderline frightening, had she not known him as well as she did.

‘His eyes are doing that weird darkening thing again...the weird darkening thing that happened in the holo-suite that day.’

He was staring so intensely at her, as if she were a precious, bejewelled box full of magical secrets. And he was the only man in the whole universe who had been entrusted with the key.

And it was finally time to unlock that box.

He approached her slowly, and lay down on the bed next to her. As he got closer though, he noticed that her limbs were shaking like mad.

As ridiculous as it seemed, Sam felt like it was her first time all over again.  
Behind the caretakers outhouse with Skanky Jack, a boy she’d agreed to sleep with just so she wouldn’t be the only virgin in her class.  
It had been terrible though, she was seriously hoping that this wouldn’t be like that.

“Sam, you’re trembling,” he said as he lay down on the bed beside her, and gave her an  
‘I’m not sure you’re really up for this,’ look.

“Look Arnold,” she said a little irritably,  
“Just cos I feel ready to do this, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna feel nervous, ok?”

“I know,” he said, beginning to play with her hair, something he knew she adored.

She leaned back into his touch as a soft moan escaped her.

“Are you nervous?”

He debated whether to be truthful with her not, but in the end, honesty seemed to be the best policy.

“A little.”

“Why?”

He sighed,

“Because I want to make it good for you. I don’t want to mess something up and frighten you...or hurt you,” he said softly as he watched the delicate blonde strands of her hair slip between his fingers.

“You won’t,” she said,  
“I trust you.”

“It’s whether I trust myself Sam, that’s the bigger problem.”

“Stop talking now,” she said, and kissed him, her tongue thoroughly exploring every inch of his mouth. His tongue soon joined in with hers, until they were dancing some soft and beautiful waltz.

He pulled back from her suddenly though.

“I can taste coconut, Sam.”

She rolled her eyes.

“I had one of Kryten’s macaroons for pudding you goon! Remember? Besides, you know there’s no Malibu on this ship!”

“Right. Sorry.”

He returned to kissing her, him taking the lead this time and very nearly suffocating her.

“I need to breathe Arnold,” she said against his mouth.

“I know, but I like how sexy you sound when you’re breathless,” he said against hers.

When they pulled apart, he could see that their kissing session had caused her lips to swell and darken in colour just a little, and it was a pretty irresistible sight to behold. 

And then there were her breasts.  
Her pert and beautiful naked breasts, right there in front of him, and he wanted to touch them...needed to touch them.

“Can I?” he asked, as he gently placed his hand on one.

“Ummm yeah....yeah, that should be ok.  
What are you going to do to them?” she asked, a little anxiously.

He stopped dead, feeling completely put on the spot.

“Well, I was planning on touching them, and kissing them...”

“So you’re not going to bite them?”

“Biting’s not really my thing, Sam.”

“Oh ok, that’s ok then.”

“Smeg I hope she doesn’t back out now,” he thought, as he softly squeezed the wonderful part of her anatomy.

Then he began to caress both of them, and she couldn’t prevent a shiver as his thumbs lightly brushed over her nipples.

“Does that feel nice?” she heard him ask.

“It feels really nice”

‘She likes me touching her breasts???!!!’

That was all the encouragement that Arnold Rimmer needed.

He suddenly grabbed her chemise and pulled it up and over her head, minding her arm in the process.

She couldn’t hide the smile on her face as he began to kiss them, and she started to get really turned on when he began to kiss and lick around the outsides of her nipples.

‘He’s obviously a breast man,’ she thought.  
‘Which is a damn good thing, because I have no legs and no arse. 

‘You’re tits are pretty non existent as well though, Sam?’ said the voice in her head.  
‘Yes, but he seems to be enjoying them.”

Her thoughts were interrupted by a mouth on one of her nipples, and when he began to suck, she moaned loudly and arched up into him, inadvertently pushing more of her breast into his mouth.

His technique was astounding.  
His mouth was so warm and wet, and every now and again he would swirl his tongue around the base, or flick his tongue over the sensitive tip.

“Holy crap, you’ve done this before haven’t you?” she moaned, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

She didn’t get an answer. In fact, she wasn’t sure if she’d get any response for the rest of the breast worshipping session, so engrossed he seemed to be in what he was doing.  
He was also getting off just as much as she was, judging by what she could feel digging into her leg.

‘Oh my god he’s hard,” she thought, and for some stupid reason a shock of panic ran through her. 

‘Of course he’s hard Sam, he’s a man! That’s what happens to men when they’re in a a state of sexual arousal!’

‘I know,’ she told herself,  
‘But why is it making me feel scared?’

‘Just because he’s ready to doesn’t mean he going to stick it on in there, Sam. You trust him, remember?”

Thankfully he switched to her other nipple at that point, distracting her away from the worry.

As she writhed beneath him, she went to run her fingernails down his back, she’d never met a guy who didn’t like that.  
Problem was, she had no access to his back.

“I think you really need to get undressed now,” she said, softly.

He stopped what he was doing and looked up at her.

“What? Now?”

“Ummm yeah.”

He hesitated.

“I haven’t finished what I’m doing here yet,” he said, making it sound like he were in the middle of some DIY project.

“Believe me Arnold, I’d happily let you worship my tits all day long, but I want to do other stuff too?”

He nodded.

“Maybe I could rub your shoulders for you?” he suggested hopefully.

“You’re stalling,” she said to him firmly, in the exact same way that Lister had spoken to him earlier in the evening.

“Sam,” he said, leaning up on his forearms.  
“Look...”

“Arnold,” she said softly.  
“I want to touch you, and I can’t while you’ve got that ridiculous uniform on.”

“It is not ridiculous,” he said, his eyes narrowing.

“Look, it’s great for making you feel good about yourself and ordering people around on the ship, but it fucking sucks when it comes to sex.”

He nodded resolutely.

“Not in here though,” she added quickly.

“I want you standing over there.”

“That’s not fair, Sam?”

“How is it not fair? You’ve seen me naked like a thousand times.”

“Yes but you’re beautiful!” he protested  
“I’m old and knackered.”

“Uh uh,” she said.  
“I reckon you’re beautiful too”

“I’m really not.”

“Don’t you think that should be my decision to make?”

‘So much for being the strong one, Rimmer,’ he thought.  
‘You’re too smegging scared to take your clothes off in front of her.’

All this time he had been telling himself that he didn’t want to get undressed in front of her incase SHE got scared, When he was clearly the one who was afraid. What if she didn’t like what she saw? Would she be disgusted by him? Would she want to leave him? His brain began to run around in little circles of panic.

“Outside of the bed please.”

He nodded, it was now or never really.  
“Just don’t be expecting Brad Pitt,” he said as he got out of the bed.

“Brad Pitt was a munter,” she said forcefully as she watched him remove his clothes in an instant.

“Oh my god,” was all she could manage.

She had expected loose, wrinkly patches of skin, may even a little bit of podge or two, but there was none of that.  
His body was fully toned from head to toe, and there wasn’t an inch of fat on him, which put her to shame as a matter of fact, as she knew she had podgy bits.  
Where had he been hiding all those fabulous muscles...

His penis [now very much in full swing] wasn’t a bad size either, not the biggest she’d had, but certainly not the smallest. That trophy when to Skanky Jack.

“Oh my god! You literally have the hottest pair of shoulders that I’ve ever seen.”

“My shoulders? What about the rest of me!?”

“You’re hot, trust me, now come and get back into bed!”

“What about my...?” he gestured downwards.

“It’s nice, it’s really nice,” she reassured him. “I want you back in the bed now.”

“You’re the one who told me to get out of it!”

“Yeah, well now I’ve seen those muscles, I want you back in here again!”

He didn’t waste any time.

As soon as he was back in the bed again, she began to lick and kiss his shoulders, then began kissing down the firm contours of his chest, licking his nipples as she moved further down.

“Is that good?” she asked, as she began to trail soft kisses down his firm stomach. She stopped dead at the top of his groin though. She wasn’t ready for that kind of action just yet. Besides, she needed that erection for more important things. There was nothing wrong with giving it a couple of strokes though. Problem was, she was really nervous about touching it. 

He must have noticed the uncertain look on her face.

“It won’t bite. I haven’t installed that update yet.”

“You’re a moron,” she said.  
“I really wanna touch it.”

“Well touch it then!”

“Give me you hand,’ he said, and she had to smile at the memory that popped up.  
It took her straight back to the time that he’d guided her hand into his body so that she could touch his light-bee.

“Do you remember when...?”

“Yes I do,” he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

He guided her hand down to it’s destination, and the first touch of it caused her to squeal and him to moan simultaneously.

“What did you squeal for?” he questioned her.

“It actually feels just like a real one! It doesn’t feel like it’s made of light! How is that possible?” she said, as she began to move her hand up and down on him.

“I don’t know Sam,” he groaned, batting her hand away as gently as he could.  
“But you need to stop that.”

She was instantly crestfallen.

“Sorry, I’ve never had any complaints about my technique.”

“It’s not a complaint,” he said, making a strong effort to bring himself from the land of orgasm.

“It’s been a really long time Sam, I mean, a really long time.”

“Oh,” she registered, cottoning on.  
“Sorry, I got a bit carried away I guess.”

“It’s your turn at any rate,” he said, gently pushing her onto her back.

“My turn?” she taunted him with her beautiful blues.

As his fingers began to trail down her body, she knew exactly where he was headed.

He stopped at her stomach though, where his touch became a lot lighter, fingertips near enough ghosting over the skin. 

“You utter bastard,” she said as she began to roll around on the bed.  
“You know how ticklish I am there!”

“I know,” she heard him say smugly.

“You suck!” she cried out as his fingers began to work their way round to her hips as well.

Secretly though she did’t want him to stop, being tickled had always been a turn on for her, and he knew that.

It was also something that occurred frequently outside the bedroom too, so it felt comforting and familiar.

As soon as it all got too much, she called out.

“Mercy!”

And he stopped. Well, he stopped ticking, but she could feel his hand moving down to the top of her groin.

“Is this ok?” he asked.

For answer she kissed him, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth and scraping her nails slowly down his chest, causing a shiver to erupt from him. Then she went to run her nails down his back.

“Ow, shit!” she cried, and grabbed hold of her arm.

“I thought you said Kryten gave you painkillers?” asked her bedfellow, rather accusingly.

“He did! I just caught it funny that’s all!” she protested.

“You should be resting it,” he said firmly. 

“I’ve been being really careful! I just forgot for a second.”

“Well don’t move it again,” he said,  
“And that’s an order!”

“Is it now,” she replied, smiling at him.

‘This is good Sam, this is really good,’ said her brain.  
‘We’re joking, we’re having a laugh, that’s a good thing. It makes everything feel much more relaxed. If I’d known I was going to feel so comfortable with this, I’d have got on and done it ages ago.’

“Now, lie back and relax...and that’s an order too!”

And so she did, arching her back slightly as his wonderful fingers worked their magic. 

It was all so slow though, so soft, so teasing.

“For fucks sake, Arnold, get on with it!”

Her plea was ignored, in fact, all he did was lighten his touch that little bit more, and that really drove her crazy.

“Come on you sodding bastard, make me come already!”

“You know the more you swear at me, the longer you’ll have to wait.”

“Well what do you want me to bloody say??”

“Something polite.”

She rolled her eyes. This was the flip side of dirty talk. It was typically him though.

“Dear Mr Rimmer, pretty please will you bring me to orgasm?”

“Hmmm...I think Captain Rimmer would have done better...but I’ll let you have that one.”

“Well good, cos I’m just about sick and tired of... Oh my god! That is what I’m talking about!” she gasped.  
Out of the corner of her eye she could see him staring at her.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m not staring, I’m gazing. Am I not allowed to gaze at the woman I love?”

“Well yeah but, oh holy shit!”

“You can shut your eyes and pretend I’m Lister, if you’d prefer?”

“Piss off! I am so close to coming, please do not put that image in my head.”

As she felt her orgasm nearing, she screwed her eyes shut. She felt him peppering soft kisses down her cheek, but it seemed almost as if it was happening in some far away land. The only thing she was focusing on right now was her orgasm.  
As her climax hit her, she thrashed about violently on the bed, moaning and groaning as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her, in an orgasm that was so overwhelming, she thought she would drown in it. A pair of strong arms rescued her from the stormy waters though, pulling her tightly towards him. 

Her anchor in the storm.

As her senses slowly began to return to her, she gripped him round the neck with her good arm.

“Thank you,” she whispered into his ear.

“You’re welcome,” he replied, his own voice also barely above a whisper.

“That was the best orgasm I have had in like, forever,” she said, stretching herself out.  
This movement caused her breasts to perk up beautifully, and he couldn’t help but kiss them again. He steered well clear of her nipples this time though, knowing how oversensitive they would be. He’d learnt that the hard way with a couple of the women he had rescued as Ace. Touching post orgasmic nipples generally led to a slap in the face, or a heel in the groin.

She began to caress his muscular shoulders as he attacked her breasts.

God how he had missed the touch of a woman.  
Tender, delicate, purely exquisite.

“You still ready to go?” she asked him.

“If it gets any harder Sam, I’ll be able to drill through the walls with it.”

“Well come on then, get on top of me! I’m ready for orgasm number two!”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked as he clambered on top of her.  
It was a somewhat weak concern though. He was so desperate for release, things were actually becoming a little painful down there. He wanted to be inside her so badly, and he was so close.  
it would only take a few movements, and he’d be right there. Right there where he had wanted to be for longer than he could remember.

But she had to be ok with it.

“I’m fine,” she said, although he swore he could hear a tremor in her voice.

“Ok,” he said, not entirely convinced, but he positioned himself at her entrance.

“Come on Sam, you can do this,’ she told her brain.  
“Don’t let him ruin it...don’t let him ruin everything you do!”

But she couldn’t ignore the tiny wave of nausea that washed over her.

He gently pushed in. she was so wet from her orgasm that there was no friction or pain, just the familiar stretching sensation.

“Ok?” he asked her, scrutinising her facial expression.

She nodded, still fighting the nausea.

Unfortunately, when he pushed himself a little further in, things went catastrophically wrong.

She could feel bile forming in the back of her throat, and suddenly she was right back there again.

Him bending her over the table, lifting up her skirt and shoving himself in. His dick as rock hard as the one inside her now was. The rank smell of his stale sweat, and the agonising grip on her hips.

“Pull out pull out pull out!” she screamed at him.

“Alright, alright!” he said, backing up to the other side of the bed.

“I’m gonna be sick,” she said suddenly, and just about made it to the bathroom in time, where she literally chucked her guts up.

He came straight in after her, and held her hair our the way for her.

“Well, there goes the macaroon,” he said.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, and he could hear that she was on the verge of tears.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It was obviously just too soon. We can try again another day, I don’t mind.”

His comment was sincere, but in spite of this his hopes still sank.  
Being inside of her her had been one of the most wonderful experiences of his life.

‘Don’t be a selfish git, Arnold,’ his mind warned.

“You could finish me off by hand?” he suggested.  
“Or I can go and take care of it myself, if you’re not in the mood anymore?”

She finished up being sick and flushed the toilet.

“I’m not doing that, Arnold” she said as she opened a bottle of mouthwash and proceeded to rinse her mouth out with it.

“Sam I’m not sure I.”

“I’m not having him ruin my life any longer!” she spat angrily.  
“We are going to have sexual intercourse tonight Arnold! And that pathetic, disgusting little man is not going to stop us! You are going to fuck my brains out, and I am damn well going to enjoy it!”

Rimmer was speechless for a moment or two,

In the end he said,

“Ok.”

“Ok,” she repeated. “Now lets get back to it.”

She tensed up again though, the minute he got into position.

“Maybe we should try and make you more relaxed, I could work on your nipples again?”

“No,” she shook her head firmly.

“No, I want you to talk to me.”

He was puzzled.

“I am talking to you.”

“No I mean, talk to me about crap!”

“Sam I don’t understand...”

“Urgh!” she cried out in frustration.  
“I need to hear your voice? I need to hear your voice, so I...” she faltered a little at the end of her sentence.  
“So I know it’s not him.”

“Ok,” he nodded.

“Something mundane and boring.”

“Mundane and boring...ok.”

“Battle history! Talk to me about battle history.”

“Sam, history’s greatest battles are not mundane or boring!”

“Ok fine whatever, just talk to me about it, ok?”

“If you think it will help,” he replied.

As he launched into a spiel that would normally have sent her to sleep, being pushed into didn’t feel half as bad. She didn’t care about what he was saying, it was his voice she was listening to.  
Calm, constant, familiar. It was the voice of Arnold J Rimmer. 

Her Arnold J Rimmer.

She clung to him one armed as the stretching sensation intensified, and before she knew it, he was all the way in.  
He was bigger than Steve, and that was a very good thing.

‘All the better to shove that rapist out of your body, my dear.’  
She smiled at her random little thought.

“How’s that?” he asked, taking a break from his mundane speech.

“It’s good,” she smiled,  
“It’s good.”

As he started to move, he began talking again. 

“Shut up, shut up! I just want you to keep telling me how much you love me, and how beautiful I am.”

And he did, it was a very easy ask on his part.  
The warm velvety sensation surrounding him now that he was fully inside her was heady to say the least. She was gripping him so exquisitely on every thrust, her thighs locked firmly around his waist.  
He was happy to go slow for the moment, as, as well as staving off his release, it was giving him the chance to savour everything about the experience. An experience that he had waited for for so long.

The word ‘harder’ was spoken into his his ear a lot sooner than he was expecting it to be.

“Are you sure???”

“I wouldn’t have said so otherwise, would I?”

“Sam, there are different degrees of hard...”

“Just fuck me!” she said, and he was shocked at the amount of aggression in her tone.  
“Fuck me twice as hard as he did!”

He began to speed up, and pretty soon the pace became such that he had to visualise Lister cutting his toenails with a set of bolt cutters.  
He was determined that she would come first.

She began to make soft whimpering noises that were nothing short of beautiful to his ears. 

Then she began to get really vocal.  
“Oh god...god! Arnold!...ah ah ah...

Somehow he’d managed to target her g spot perfectly, and the sensations were beginning to build.

“Ahhh..ahhh.”

Kryten came bustling into the bunk room.

“Mr Lister, sir! Mr Lister!”

“What is it Krytes?” asked the rooms only occupant, who’d fallen into a snooze with a lifestyle magazine over his face.

“Mr Rimmer’s lost his temper again!”

“What? Why?!”

“I don’t know! But he’s hurting Miss Samantha again!”

“But they were doin fine earlier?”  
Lister was confused.

“I’m going to have to intervene sir, I’m sorry.”  
The mech stormed off out of the room, with Lister only just managing to keep up with him.

As they approached the door, Lister cottoned on to what was happening inside the room.

He could tell that Kryten was seconds away from attempting to override the lock on the door when he said,

“He’s not hurtin her, Kryten.”

“But can’t you hear all the moaning??”

“Trust me Kryten,” Lister looked profoundly at him.  
“He’s not hurtin her.”

Kryten paused for a moment.

“This is one of those human copulation things, isn’t it?”

“Yep it is.”

“Oh...well I did wonder why I could hear the bedsprings going up and down. Oh humans and their bizarre ways!” he exclaimed as he went off down the corridor.

“Good on yer Rimmer,” said the scouser quietly outside the door.  
“Took you long enough to get there.”

As he was turning to leave Cat appeared, striding towards the door with a big grin on his face. As he soon as he got within earshot of the room however, his face fell a little.

“They’re otherwise engaged at the moment, Cat,” said Lister gesturing at the door with his thumb.  
“You ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine, bud!”  
Cats trademark grin was now back on his face.

“Really? Cos you looked a bit down when you realised what they were doin in there.”

“I”m fine!” said Cat, not losing his grin for a second.

“Ok then...that’s all fine.

“Yep!”

“Ok, well catch you later.”

“Catch you later bud!”

Only once lister was out of eyesight did Cat’s fake grin drop instantly, and he pulled something out of his breast pocket. It was a single red rose. He dropped it outside the door and sloped back off up the corridor.

“I’m close,” panted Sam.  
“Real close.”

“So am I,” thought Rimmer.

“You will tell me if I’m hurting you, won’t you?”

But Sam didn’t reply.

All she could do right now was focus on her innermost feelings. Slowly, bit by bit, it felt like the man of her nightmares was being removed from her body. In fact, with each thrust she could feel him almost being pushed out of her mind, out of her body.

“Make him go,” she said just under breath.  
“Make him go.”

“Sorry?”

She never got a chance to repeat herself, for at that moment the most intense pleasure that she had ever felt in her life spread up from somewhere inside her, vaginal contractions so powerful that she was convinced her reproductive organs were on the verge of exploding, in a good way. In a very good way. She clung to him tightly with her good arm as she let out a guttural cry, not really caring if anyone on the ship were to hear it.

Her internal contractions milked him so superbly, that he reached his own climax at more or less the same time as her. For a minute he believed he would die. For a third time. From a holographic state, somehow.

He was in heaven nonetheless. All the pent up sexual frustration that he’d been holding on to for months, was finally free, and it made for the most glorious orgasm of his life.

He clung to her, forcing himself as deeply into her as he could, causing her to squeak in surprise as a weird kind of fizzing sensation made it’s way into her vagina.

For a while neither one of them moved.

“He’s gone,’ Sam thought to herself.  
‘He’s actually gone...he’s not controlling me anymore. He is no longer the last man that I’ve slept with.

No, now it’s the man I love.”

“I’m free.”

A feeling of calm spread over her...but sadly it didn’t last long. There was a rather nasty feeling following on quickly behind it.

She felt her breath begin to quicken, and knew what was coming. 

‘No no not now you stupid brain...you’re going to ruin everything!’

But it was no good, the panic circuits had begun to fire off in her brain, and his weight on her was making breathing much more arduous.

“Arnold, I’m having a panic attack!”

He quickly rolled off her.

“What did I do wrong??! Tell me!? Tell me and I’ll never do it again! It had been a long time...I’m out of practice-“

“Will you just stop bloody talking and hold me?”

The minute he pulled her to his chest and began to stroke her hair, she felt the attack beginning to back off.

Her entire body was trembling though, and that was worrying him a lot.

“Just remember your breathing, Sam, concentrate on your breathing.”

“I am...I am.”

He faked breathing with her, as he always did, and was relieved when she began to return to her normal self.

“I won’t mess up next time, I promise,” he said to her once the tremors had stopped and her breathing had returned to normal.

“Arnold, that was the best sex of my life.”

He was stunned into silence.

“I’ve never had an orgasm like that, believe me. And Steve’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Yep,” she said, kissing him softly on the lips.  
“You made him go away.”

He smiled and squeezed her a little tighter, feeling proud as anything. Almost as if he had been awarded a medal for something.

“So,” she said, beginning to draw patterns on his chest with her fingertips.  
“I really don’t know where the attack came from.”

“I might have a theory.”

“Go on then,” she said, now kissing his neck.

“Well, you’ve been holding onto all your emotions associated with the rape for a long time now. Now, everything’s changed inside your mind, I think you have to expect some kind of mental fallout from it all.”  
He moaned a little at the end of his statement, he treasured the feeling of her lips on his skin.

She stopped suddenly and looked up at him.

“Let me guess? You got that from Snacky, didn’t you?” she accused him.

“I don’t remember telling you about that.”

“You didn’t. Dave did.”

“I’ll get him for that later.”

“Arnold, needing counselling isn’t a sign of weakness.”

“Perhaps not, but anyway he taught me quite a few things.”

“I heard that he just stood there and said nothing.”

“Ah but it was his silent moments that really taught me the things I needed to know.”

“Sounds like a whole load of bollocks to me, Arnold, he was a fucking snack machine!”

“Who turned out to be extremely smart in the end,” he corrected her.

“Don’t be too hard on Dave for telling me,” she said.  
“I know he irritates you, but he’s always looking out for you, in his own way.”

Rimmer nodded thoughtfully.

“Oh and by the way, thanks for the heads up about the fizzing sensation!”

“It’s just static electricity.  
“It’s perfectly harmless.”

“Still, a heads up would have been nice.”

A comfortable silence ensued.

“Right!” he said, after a bit.  
“I have something that I have to go and do!”

“Arnold,” she sighed,  
“You don’t have to go and wank in private anymore, you can do it in front of me.”

“Hilarious. I won’t be long,” he said, getting out of bed, and changing into his pyjamas and dressing gown.

“What the hell is this? Some kind of booty call? Are you even gonna contact me again,” she pouted 

“I’ll be back before you know it!” he said, bending down to kiss her forehead.

“Oh, could you say it again by the way?”

“Say what?”

“The part about it being the best sex of your life?”

“It was the best sex of my life.”

He grinned, and left, narrowly managing to avoid the pillow that was flung in his direction.

Lister was making himself some supper when Rimmer entered the bunk room.

“Beans and toast at midnight, Listy? I do worry for your digestive system.”

“Well hey there, Casanova!”

The smirk disappeared from Rimmer’s face.

“Did you hear her?”

“Rimmer, the whole of deep space heard her! You must have been doin somethin right!”

Lister spun round expecting the usual crimson shade to be occupying the holograms face when something embarrassed, but there was no embarrassment tonight.

Just pride...a lot of it.

“So how was it?” asked Lister as he put some bread in the toaster.

“It was good Listy...it was really good.”

The scouser turned round to face him.

“I’m happy for yer, smeghead.”

Suddenly, Dave lister found himself on the receiving end of a bear hug.

“Rimmer what the???”

“I wanted to say thank you,” said the hologram.

“For what??”

“For believing in me,” said Rimmer pulling back.  
“You were the only one who didn’t think I’d broken Sam’s arm on purpose, and that means a lot to me.”

“Yeah well...I know you Arnold Rimmer. You can be a clumsy moron at times, but you’re no wife beater.”

“Just...thank you for not turning your back on me. I owe you one.”

Lister smiled softly.

“Understood. Now get yourself back to that woman!”

Rimmer smiled.

“Goodnight smeghead.”

“Yeah, night smeghead,”

Rimmer had to fight the urge to skip back to his room, feeling a kind of happiness that he’d never known in his whole existence.

‘Life if going to be better than ever now, Rimmer.

Better than ever.’

Fin.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an edited version of the previous chapter.

Upon entering the room, it was clear to see that the third option was looking most likely.  
There, lying in the centre of the bed, arms stretched out over the pillows, was the most beautiful woman in the universe.

Wearing the blue chemise, and smiling at him.

Something downstairs twitched, merely at the sight of it, nevertheless he glanced around to check for wine bottles.

“I’m not drunk, Arnold,” she said patiently.  
“I’m horny.”

‘Did she actually just say that?!’ he thought.

“Come and smell my breath if you don’t believe me.”

But he didn’t go and check, and surprisingly not because he didn’t trust her.

Truth be told, he was enjoying the view. The nightdress clung to the contours of her body so exquisitely, and the sight of her erect nipples through the silk material was doing funny things to his light-bee.

The only entirely unsexy thing was the cast on her arm. But they could get round that.

“Why don’t you come on over here?” she questioned him, in a gentle tone.

“I don’t want to rush it.”

“Rush what?”

“Rush this! If this is what I think it is. Is this what I think it is? Or have I got it all wrong?”

“Arnold,” she said slowly and patiently.

“I want to have sex with you.”

The horny teenager inside him tried desperately to take over his mind and send him over at a rate of knots to devour her.

But he fought it back down.

If what was going to happen was going to happen, then he wanted to savour every minute of it.  
Plus, he wasn’t going to do anything impulsive or overtly passionate. Something like that was liable to scare the living daylights out of her.

‘You can sleep with her Rimmer, it’s ok, she’s giving you permission.’  
But no...before he invested himself in the situation, there was something he had to know.

“Why now?” he asked her gently 

“Sorry?”  
She changed her position slightly on the bed, and in doing to exposed part of her left breast.

He’d seen her naked dozens of times but, in his opinion, there was nothing as sexy as a scantily clad body.

He turned his back on her momentarily. His resolve was weakening, he could feel it.

“I just...I feel different. I feel closer to you, somehow..”

“So let me get this straight,” he said forcing himself to turn around and face her.  
“We fight, I break your arm, we end up in a ridiculous time zone god knows where, I tell you I saw you the night you were raped, we fight again...and that’s put you in the mood for sex?”

She abandoned her sexual position on the bed, and sat up more directly.

“I don’t expect you to understand, Arnold, I barely understand it myself. It’s just, well it’s the thought that you now know everything about me. You’ve seen me at the worst possible time of my life, and you still love me. It’s made me realise how safe I feel when I’m with you, and I think...I really think I’m ready.”

“And you’re sure?” he asked warily.

She nodded, and settled back to her previous position on the bed.

“So...are you going to make love to me or what?” 

Rimmer pinched himself, hard.  
It hurt.

His self control was slipping further and further from him. He was still wary, he still didn’t trust that she was ready, but unfortunately that thought was being drowned out by the,  
‘I wonder if her breasts feel as firm as they look,’ thoughts.

“You’ve got a broken arm,” he protested...as a last attempt at holding on to his sensibilities. 

“Kryten just gave me some painkillers, I’ll be fine. Just as long as you’re not planning on swinging me from the chandeliers?”

She chuckled nervously and expected him to respond, but he was stone silent.

The look on his face was one that she had only ever seen once before, and the intensity of it would have been borderline frightening, had she not known him as well as she did.

‘His eyes are doing that weird darkening thing again...the weird darkening thing that happened in the holo-suite that day.’

He was staring so intensely at her, as if she were a precious, bejewelled box full of magical secrets. And he was the only man in the whole universe who had been entrusted with the key.

And it was finally time to unlock that box.

He approached her slowly, and lay down on the bed next to her. As he got closer though, he noticed that her limbs were shaking like mad.

As ridiculous as it seemed, Sam felt like it was her first time all over again.  
Behind the caretakers outhouse with Skanky Jack, a boy she’d agreed to sleep with just so she wouldn’t be the only virgin in her class.  
It had been terrible though, she was seriously hoping that this wouldn’t be like that.

“Sam, you’re trembling,” he said as he lay down on the bed beside her, and gave her an  
‘I’m not sure you’re really up for this,’ look.

“Look Arnold,” she said a little irritably,  
“Just cos I feel ready to do this, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna feel nervous, ok?”

“I know,” he said, beginning to play with her hair, something he knew she adored.

She leaned back into his touch as a soft moan escaped her.

“Are you nervous?”

He debated whether to be truthful with her or not, but in the end, honesty seemed to be the best policy.

“A little.”

“Why?”

He sighed,

“Because I want to make it good for you. I don’t want to mess something up and frighten you...or hurt you,” he said softly as he watched the delicate blonde strands of her hair slip between his fingers.

“You won’t,” she said,  
“I trust you.”

“It’s whether I trust myself Sam, that’s the bigger problem.”

“Stop talking now,” she said, and kissed him, her tongue thoroughly exploring every inch of his mouth. His tongue soon joined in with hers, until they were dancing a delicate and beautiful waltz.

He pulled back from her suddenly though.

“I can taste coconut, Sam.”

She rolled her eyes.

“I had one of Kryten’s macaroons for pudding you goon! Remember? Besides, you know there’s no Malibu on this ship!”

“Right. Sorry.”

He returned to kissing her, taking the lead this time. 

When they pulled apart, he could see that their kissing session had caused her lips to swell and darken in colour just a little, and it was a pretty sexy sight to behold. Rimmer knew that it was going to end up being the night of his life

Kryten came bustling into the bunk room.

“Mr Lister, sir! Mr Lister!”

“What is it Krytes?” asked the rooms only occupant,who’d fallen into a snooze with a lifestyle magazine over his face.

“Mr Rimmer’s lost his temper again!”

“What? Why?!”

“I don’t know! But he’s hurting Miss Samantha again!”

“But they were doin fine earlier?”  
Lister was confused.

“I’m going to have to intervene sir, I’m sorry.”  
The mech stormed off out of the room, with Lister only just managing to keep up with him.

As they approached the door, Lister cottoned on to what was happening inside the room.

He could tell that Kryten was seconds away from attempting to override the lock on the door when he said,

“He’s not hurtin her, Kryten.”

“But can’t you hear all the moaning??”

“Trust me Kryten,” Lister looked profoundly at him.  
“He’s not hurtin her.”

Kryten paused for a moment.

“This is one of those human copulation things, isn’t it?”

“Yep it is.”

“Oh...well I did wonder why I could hear the bedsprings going up and down. Oh humans and their bizarre ways!” he exclaimed, as he went off down the corridor.

“Good on yer Rimmer,” said the scouser quietly outside the door.  
“Took you long enough to get there.”

As he was turning to leave Cat appeared, striding towards the door with a big grin on his face. As he soon as he got in earshot of the room however, his face fell.

“They’re otherwise engaged at the moment, Cat,” said Lister gesturing at the door with his thumb.  
“You ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine, bud!”  
Cats trademark grin was back in a flash. 

“Really? Cos you looked a bit down when you realised what they were doin in there.”

“I’m fine!” said Cat, not losing his grin for a second.

“Ok then...that’s all fine.

“Yep!”

“Ok, well catch you later.”

“Catch you later bud!”

Only once Lister was out of eyesight did Cat’s fake grin drop instantly, and he pulled something out of his breast pocket. It was a single red rose. He dropped it outside the door and sloped back off up the corridor.

For a while after, neither of the lovers moved.

‘He’s gone,’ Sam thought to herself.  
‘He’s actually gone...he’s not controlling me anymore. He is no longer the last man that I’ve slept with.

No, now it’s the man I love.”

“I’m free.”

A feeling of calm spread over her...but sadly it didn’t last long. There was a rather nasty feeling following on quickly behind it.

She felt her breath begin to quicken, and knew what was coming. 

‘No no not now you stupid brain...you’re going to ruin everything!’

But it was no good, the panic circuits had begun to fire off in her brain, and his weight on her was making breathing much more arduous.

“Arnold, I’m having a panic attack!”

He quickly rolled off her.

“What did I do wrong??! Tell me!? Tell me and I’ll never do it again! It had been a long time...I’m out of practice-“

“Will you just stop bloody talking and hold me?”

The minute he pulled her to his chest and began to stroke her hair, she felt the attack beginning to back off.

Her entire body was trembling, and that was worrying him a lot.

“Just remember your breathing, Sam, concentrate on your breathing.”

“I am...I am.”

He faked breathing with her, as he always did, and was relieved when she began to return to her normal self.

“I won’t mess up next time, I promise,” he said to her once the tremors had stopped and her breathing had returned to normal.

“Arnold, that was the best sex of my life.”

He was stunned into silence.

“I’ve never had orgasms like that, believe me. And Steve’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Yep,” she said, kissing him softly on the lips.  
“You made him go away.”

He smiled and squeezed her a little tighter, feeling proud as anything. Almost as if he had been awarded a medal for something.

“So,” she said, beginning to draw patterns on his chest with her fingertips.  
“I really don’t know where the attack came from.”

“I might have a theory.”

“Go on then,” she said, now kissing his neck.

“Well, you’ve been holding onto all your emotions associated with the rape for a long time now. Now, everything’s changed inside your mind, I think you have to expect some kind of mental fallout from it all.”  
He moaned a little at the end of his statement, he treasured the feeling of her lips on his skin.

She stopped suddenly and looked up at him.

“Let me guess? You got that from Snacky, didn’t you?” she accused him.

“I don’t remember telling you about that.”

“You didn’t. Dave did.”

“I’ll get him for that later.”

“Arnold, needing counselling isn’t a sign of weakness.”

“Perhaps not, but anyway he taught me quite a few things.”

“I heard that he just stood there and said nothing.”

“Ah but it was his silent moments that really taught me the things I needed to know.”

“Sounds like a whole load of bollocks to me, Arnold, he was a fucking snack machine!”

“Who turned out to be extremely smart in the end,” he corrected her.

“Don’t be too hard on Dave for telling me,” she said.  
“I know he irritates you, but he’s always looking out for you, in his own way.”

Rimmer nodded thoughtfully.

“Oh and by the way, thanks for the heads up about the fizzing sensation!”

“It’s just static electricity,” he grinned at her,  
“It’s perfectly harmless.”

A comfortable silence ensued.

“Right!” he said, after a bit.  
“I have something that I have to go and do!”

“Arnold,” she sighed,  
“You don’t have to go and wank in private anymore, you can do it in front of me.”

“Hilarious. I wont be long,” he said, getting out of bed, and changing into his pyjamas and dressing gown.

“What the hell is this? Some kind of booty call? Are you even gonna contact me again,” she pouted 

“I’ll be back before you know it!” he said, bending down to kiss her forehead.

“Oh could you say it again by the way?”

“Say what?”

“The part about it being the best sex of your life?”

“It was the best sex of my life.”

He grinned, and left, narrowly managing to avoid the pillow that was flung in his direction.

Lister was making himself some supper when Rimmer entered the bunk room.

“Beans and toast at midnight, Listy? I do worry for your digestive system.”

“Well hey there, Casanova!”

The smirk disappeared from Rimmer’s face.

“Did you hear her?”

“Rimmer, the whole of deep space heard her! You must have been doing somethin right!”

Lister spun round expecting the usual crimson shade to be occupying the holograms face, but there was no embarrassment.

Just pride...a good deal of it.

“So how was it?” asked Lister as he put some bread in the toaster.

“It was good Listy...it was really good.”

The scouser turned round to face him.

“I’m happy for yer, smeghead.”

Suddenly, Dave Lister found himself on the receiving end of a bear hug.

“Rimmer what the???”

“I wanted to say thank you,” said the hologram.

“For what??”

“For believing in me,” said Rimmer pulling back.  
“You were the only one who didn’t think I’d broken Sam’s arm on purpose, and that means a lot to me.”

“Yeah well...I know you Arnold Rimmer. You can be a clumsy moron at times, but you’re no wife beater.”

“Just...thank you for not turning your back on me. I owe you one.”

Lister smiled softly.

“Understood, now get yourself back to that woman!”

Rimmer smiled,

“Goodnight smeghead.

“Yeah, night smeghead,”

Rimmer had to fight the urge to skip back to his room, he was feeling a kind of happiness that he’d never known in his whole existence.

‘Life if going to be better than ever now, Rimmer.

Better than ever.’

Fin


End file.
